


Time of End.

by Renezinha



Series: Fallen Verse. [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Bottom Castiel, Break Up, Castiel and Jimmy Novak Are Twins, Character Death, Cheating, Dom/sub Undertones, Drugs, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, F/M, Gabriel is a Little Shit, Heavy Angst, Illustrated, Incest, Jealousy, Lucifer is Called Luke, M/M, Multi, Or Is It?, Oral Sex, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Polyamory, Reunion, Sickness, Threesome - M/M/M, Top Jimmy, Twincest, Voyeurism, Webcam/Video Chat Sex, dom! lucifer, ghost!Jimmy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-06
Updated: 2016-07-22
Packaged: 2018-05-12 05:34:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 12
Words: 27,052
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5654338
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Renezinha/pseuds/Renezinha
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p></p><div class="center">
  <p><br/>This wasn't supposed to be a sequel to my <a href="http://archiveofourown.org/works/5047411/chapters/11606263%20">Fallen</a> story, but i guess it is now. =P</p>
</div><div class="center">
  <p>
    <br/>
    <b>[With art from my friend <a href="http://archiveofourown.org/users/Mashuradi">Mashuradi</a> in Chapter 12.]</b>
    <br/>
  </p>
</div>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Jimmy Novak sat in the empty cold consulting-room alone, waiting for the doctor to finish whatever he had to finish, feeling especially nervous about what the man had to tell him. Jimmy has been feeling unwell lately, his headaches becoming more often, his appetite decreasing with each passing day...and if it wasn't for his brother and their boyfriend's insistence, he wouldn't even be in this clinic in the first place.

“Sorry to keep you waiting, Mr Novak.”

The Doctor apologized, making his way inside the room and going to sit behind his desk.

“It's alright, Dr Gaines, i already skipped work anyway.” The blue eyed man said with a little smile, shrugging his shoulders. “You said...you wanted to talk to me?”

“Yes, i've got your test results...and i have to say things don't look too good.”

Jimmy's nervousness had him shaking his right leg involuntarily, his mouth feeling dry like cotton all of a sudden.

When he said nothing, the Doctor continued. “I want to run a couple more tests just to be sure. The sooner the better, perhaps in two, three days?”

Jimmy pursed his lips, looking everywhere but at the Doctor, focusing his gaze on the poster about the urinary tract hanging on the wall instead.

“Mr Novak?”

“What do you think i have?” He asked, finally making eye contact with the man.

“Well, according to your test results, you have low blood cell count...not that low, no need to worry, but...there have been irregular results in other areas and i would like you to do a CT Scan and a Lumbar Puncture as well.”

“Just to be sure, huh...” He sighed, lowering his head, hands fisting the fabric of his clothed knees. “Sounds like you're just looking for confirmation.”

“I'm not sure of anything yet, Mr Novak. We'll have to wait and see. In the meanwhile, i suggest you eat healthy and rest more. Do not stress yourself.”

Jimmy had to laugh at that. “Work can be pretty stressful but i can't simply ask for a week off or anything. I just had a two week vacation a couple months ago.”

The Doctor nodded and started filling a prescription. “ These pills will help you regulate your stress levels and they'll help with the headaches...”

And by the Doc's tone, he knows it's not a permanent solution.“But...it's only temporary, right?”

“Yes.”

 

Castiel's phone rang and he plopped down onto the bed, putting it on speaker because he was too lazy to put it against his ear.

“Helloooo, you.” He greeted the man in the other side of the line, using a singsong voice. “About time you called, Luke. You at Delaware yet?”

“Hey there, Cas.” And Luke laughed because of the quick change of tone in his boyfriend's voice. “Thought you'd be happy to hear from me but it seems you're already scolding me. Tsk. Remind me to spank you when i get back.”

“Oh, i'll hold you to that.”

“Right...so, yes. I arrived an hour ago and dad's already pissing me off.” He chuckled. “Nothing i can't handle though. I'll just...help him with the business and hopefully i'll return home before you know it.” Needles is to say Luke didn't trust the shop with Demian either.

“Hm, bring us souvenirs!”

“What could you possibly want from Delaware??”

“Dunno, a...fridge magnet?”

“Okaay...Is Jimmy home? I called him before i called you but it went straight to voicemail.”

“He went to the doctor in the morning, hasn't come back yet. I texted him too but got nothing in return. Maybe he went to work after he left the clinic. Beats me.”

“I see. I have to go but give me a call later. I want to know what the Doc said.”

“Of course. Talk to you later then. Love you.”

“Love you too.”

 

Jimmy never went back to work after he left the clinic.

Even if it's nothing official yet, he knows there's something wrong with him. Why now, though? Now that he had changed jobs, now that his life was on the right track, why did this have to happen to him of all people? He couldn't tell Castiel and Luke. They'd freak out and treat him like a helpess little kid. He didn't want that. He didn't want them to worry and he didn't want to be treated that way either. 

Perhaps...whatever he has, perhaps it can be treated. His brother and Luke would never know he was sick in the first place and he'd spare them the stress. That could work, yes. 

“Cas, that you?” The gravely tone startled him and he quickly turned around to see Dean and Pamela approaching him.

“It's Jimmy.” He groaned.

“Sorry man, i don't think i'll ever tell you apart.”

Pamela chuckled, nudging her boyfriend. “I could tell.” She said, eyeing Jimmy up and down like he's a cake in display or something! “What are you doing around here, Jim? Skipping work? ”She smirked. “And here i was thinking Castiel was the rebel one.” She finished with a wink. Dean just rolled his eyes at her. Pamela will flirt with everything that moves, no surprise there.

“It's...my day off?”

Pamela squinted at him.

“Yes, that. It's my day off.”

“You okay though? You look a little pale.” Dean asked.

“I'm fine. What are you two doing around here?” Yes, let them do all the talk.

“Loverboy here picked me up from work and he's buying me lunch.”

“Yeah, i'm taking Pam to eat mariscos.”

That earned Dean another nudge. “Burgers. Really greasy burgers.”

Jimmy smiled for the first time that day. Dean might have behaved poorly with his brother when they were together, but nowadays he holds no grudge against the man. And Pamela seems perfect for him.

“Greasy burgers are my fave too. Why don't you try Carl's trailer?”

“We might.” Pam smiled back. “Have you eaten anything yet, Jim?”

“Hm, no.”

“Wanna come with us?” Dean invited.

“No, no...i'll...eat something on my way home. Thanks, Dean.” 

“No problem. See you around, man.” The older Winchester started walking, waiting for his girlfriend to join him.

“See you, Jim.” Pam spanked his rear and hopped her way to Dean, giggling.

“Have fun, guys.” He frowned, rubbing his sore rear. Pamela might be a tiny woman but she sure packs a punch! Or a...spank. Whatever. Point is...she's strong. For a midget.

 

Jimmy went home when it was already getting dark outside and needless is to say a very grumpy Cas had to open the door for him because he had forgotten to take his keys when he left to the clinic in the morning.

“Why haven't you answered to any of my texts? Or Luke's calls? He called you, you know?”

“Cas...i'm tired, okay?” Jimmy huffed, sliding his tan trench coat down his arms. “I just want to get in bed and sleep for the rest of the year.”

“That's not funny.” Cas helped his brother with the coat and hung it for him. “Did you go to work after the Doctor's appointment?”

“Yes.” He lied.

When his brother didn't elaborate and made his way to the kitchen instead, Cas followed him. “ What did Dr Gaines say?”

“He said...” Jim started, opening the cabinet to retrieve a glass. “ It's just stress.” Opening the sink faucet, he filled the glass with water and took a long sip.

“Stress?” Cas is not sure whether to believe his twin or not. “Hm...”

“Yep. He said i need to rest more and eat healthy.”

“But you barely eat...are you sure that's _all_?” Cas asked, lifting a brow, watching his brother closing the faucet and placing the empty glass in the dish rack.

“Yes.” He lied once again, turning to meet his brother's gaze. “He prescribed me some pills too, for the headaches, so...” He smiled. “I'll be fine, little brother, no need to worry.”

“If you...say so.”

“Yeah, i'll go to bed. If you're calling Luke, tell him i'm okay.”

“I will.”

Jimmy went to his room and closed the door behind, releasing a breath he didn't know he had been holding all this time. Realization dawned on him. He's sick and he has just lied to the only two people that give a crap about him.

Still, Jimmy will try to keep a positive attitude. Whatever he has, it will be treated. He can do this.

Cas turned all lights off and went to his room as well. Usually he'd just sleep with his twin but since Jimmy looked so tired, he didn't dare sneaking into his room.

After changing into his pajamas, the youngest of the Novaks got in bed and grabbed his phone from the nightstand. He had to call Luke to let him know Jimmy is fine. At least according to what his brother said...because he doesn't look that _fine_ to him.

“Hey.” Luke said right after answering the call, sounding rather sleepy.

“Did i wake you?” Cas snickered.

“No.” He yawned. “Just tired. Is Jimmy home yet?”

“Yes, he arrived a few minutes ago. So, basically, Doc said stress is kicking his ass. Jimmy needs to rest a lot more and eat healthy food.”

“Make him eat, Cas. Give him the little airplane, whatever, but you make that boy eat.” Luke had left early in the morning and he hadn't seen Jimmy touching his breakfast. Jimmy hasn't been eating properly for weeks now. No wonder they're both worried.

“I'll try. You know how stubborn he can be.”

“Yeah.” Luke chuckled. “ About his stress levels...you can always help him with that. I'd help him if i was there, but...”

“Are you suggesting what i think you're suggesting?” Cas asked, amused.

“Take pictures? Better yet, we can always try...video-conferencing.”

That sure sounded hot.

“That's, uh...kinky to say the least. You have a very dirty mind, old man.” Castiel teased, laughing.

“Our Jimmy needs to relax more. Doc's orders, right? Besides, i'm pretty sure he wouldn't mind.”

“Okay then. If...and only _IF_ he agrees to it, be sure i'll let you know. Just...not tonight. He looks exhausted.”

“I'll be here for three days. Make sure it happens before i return.”

“Aye, captain!”

Luke chuckled. “Go to sleep, Cas. Tell Jimmy i'm happy he's okay.”

“Will do.”

 

Jimmy had a hard time falling asleep but his body eventually gave in to exhaustion and he ended up falling asleep around three am. Fortunately for him, next day was Saturday and he didn't work on the weekends. He had the luxury to sleep in.

 

Next day, and since Castiel doesn't work on the weekends either, he let his older brother sleep all he wants. Around noon, he cooked lunch, something not too heavy on the stomach. Neither he and Jimmy like soups very much, but soups are healthy and his brother needs to start eating healthy anyway.

When Jimmy finally woke up, the clock marked two pm. Usually Cas is the one waking up that late.

“Cas?”

“In the kitchen!”

Jimmy entered the kitchen and saw his twin stirring something inside a pot by the stove. Smelled like...

“Is that...soup?”

Cas nodded, turning the stove off. “Healthy lunch, big bro.” He grinned. “Doc said you need it, sooo...i thought a soup would be good for you.”

“You've never made soup before, is it even...edible?”

Castiel squinted, taking a peek inside the pot. “Not sure...but hey, it's green, gotta be healthy, right?”

Jimmy smirked, shaking his head. “You're the chef...i'll set the table.”

“No, let me. I'll do that.”

Great. Castiel doesn't even know what he has and he's already babying him?

“No need, i can...”

But Cas was already opening the cabinet, reaching for the plates. That had Jim snapping.

“Dammit, Cas, i can set the damn table!”

The younger twin stopped and looked back at the eldest. “Hm...sorry? Okay. You can set the table.”

“Thank you.”

 

Lunch was...awkward to say the least. And Castiel's soup didn't taste that bad...though it could use some salt.

After eating, Jimmy insisted on washing the dishes. Cas let him, wondering why his brother had gotten so angry all of a sudden. 

And then it hit him.

Time to put Luke's plan into practice maybe??!


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smut!
> 
> Smut smut smut everywhere!

Jimmy had moved to the living room to watch one of those typical saturday afertnoon movies, when Castiel plopped down next to him on the couch. At first he didn't think anything of it, just two brothers watching tv...until he felt a hand slowly moving up and down his leg. He quickly dismissed the movie and turned his head to look at his little brother, catching the amused glint in his blue eyes.

“We just ate.” He said, knowing it would do nothing to demotivate his twin.

“Yep, we should find a way to burn those calories, don't you agree?” Cas sure tried not to laugh at the awful pickup line he used.

“We...ate soup. What's there left to burn?”

Cas squinted, moving his hand up to squeeze at his older brother's clothed crotch. “Are you really going to make me say it? Want you. Want you _in_ me. There. Need me to send an explanatory e-mail or something?”

“Oh...yeah, it has been a while, huh?”

Cas had to nod at that. It has been nearly a month since Jimmy joined him and Luke in bed. They felt bad for leaving him out, sure, but Jimmy had always said it was okay, that he didn't mind. And he didn't. He was too busy feeling sick to even think about sex.

“It has...you don't look too tired today, so...hey, the doc said you needed to relax too, didn't he? I just want to help you relax, big bro. “He said, leaning to kiss Jimmy's cheek. “Luke agrees.”

“Hm, i'm sure he does. How's things going with his dad?”

Cas moved his hand up underneath Jimmy's shirt and kissed his ear, playfully tugging at his lobe before releasing it. “Fine, so far. He can't wait to come back to us.”

“Let me guess...he wants to watch us?”

Cas giggled, the little bastard. “I was gonna ask you if it's okay...but you got ahead of me.”

“You forget i know how you think. Both of you.” Jimmy smiled, shivering a little when Cas started playing with one of his nipples. “I'm...i'm okay with it.”

“You are?”

“Call him.” Jimmy nodded, reassuring his brother he really wants it. He knows he'll be exhausted later but he has to keep appearances. Whatever it takes. He only hopes he can keep up with his brother. Cas can be...very demanding in bed.

Grinning, Castiel jumped out of the couch to go get his phone. He returned a moment later and sat next to Jimmy again, dialing Luke's number and starting a voice chat. When the blond picked up, Cas moved the phone so he and his brother would fit into the angle together.

Of course that brought a huge smile to Lucifer's lips.

“Hello there, boys. Hey, Jimmy!” He waved and Jimmy waved back. Their boyfriend had just left the day before but they missed him already anyway. “You're looking good today...and Cas' cheshire smile tells me something's fishy going on...” The older man teased, smirk curling up his lips.

“I'm...okay.” Jimmy said, nodding once, snickering at Luke's little provocation. “Like you don't know already...” And then he pulled Cas close and kissed him, slipping his tongue inside his brother's mouth easily, sighing when their tongues met and rubbed in their own little battle for dominance.

What's Luke to do with a sight like that?

He sat comfortably in bed and held the phone with one hand, the other finding his zipper and pulling it down. “Fuck yes...” These two will be the death of him someday, he knows! Luke freed his half hard cock and stroked himself until full hardness. He even made sure to approach the phone to his crotch so his boys knew what they were dealing with.

Cas pulled away from the kiss and laughed at the sight. “Is it _cold_ over there?” He teased while Jimmy raised his brother's arms so he could remove his shirt.

“You little fucker...” Luke chuckled, bringing the phone to eye level. “I'll spank you double when i get home.”

Castiel laughed again and after his shirt had been pulled out, he helped his brother with his. “Wait, let me...” He placed the phone on the coffee table, using a book to keep it stable, making sure Lucifer had a good view of them. “There.”

“Perfect. Wanna see Jim's cock moving in and out of you, Cassie.”

And Jimmy, well, he might be sick, but he's extremely aroused as well. No way he's walking out of this. Not when Cas is removing his pants and Luke is touching himself. 

“Yeah?” Cas and Luke have always enjoyed teasing each other. Jimmy doesn't mind, he likes it. “How do you want me then?”

“Wanna see you ride him until he comes.”

“Saving me for last, huh?” Castiel huffed, pulling his boxers down his legs, watching Jimmy doing the same. Cas was hard already but Jimmy seemed...too soft for what they're about to do.

“You'll get to come, Cas, if you're a good boy to me and Jimmy, of course. “

Cas frowned, pouting. “ I'm always good...” Then he turned to look at his twin, opening his mouth when he leaned to kiss him. “Jim...want me to...?” He askef softly, reaching out a hand to stroke his brother's flaccid member.

Jimmy felt self-conscious when Cas touched him and quickly pulled away. 

“Hm...no, i'll...i'll handle it.” He said, wrapping a hand around himself, stroking his cock with quick firm movements. Those pills must have side effects since this has never happened to him before. Not being in the mood is one thing...but not being able to get it up? That's a whole different story.

“Is everything alright, Jimmy?” Luke's raspy voice sounded through the phone, startling the older twin for a moment. “Cas, why don't you use your mouth?”

Castiel looked between the phone and his twin, looking for approval.

Jimmy was slowly getting there but it wasn't enough. And when Luke suggested Cas should use his mouth, he sighed and sat back on the couch, spreding his legs a bit so his twin could fit right in between them. “Okay, uh...sorry, i don't know what happened.”

“What are you apologizing for? You haven't been well, it's only normal.” Luke said, trying to soothe his boyfriend. “Let Cas do what he does best.”

Jimmy nodded and threw his head back when Cas's hot mouth suddenly swallowed him whole. Goddamn Cas and his ninja side!

“Suck him good, Cassie...fuck...” Luke stroke himself a little faster and then stopped so he could reach into his bag and retrieve the little flask of lotion he had brought with him. It was no lube, but it would do. He slicked himself nice and slow and then resumed his stroking. Eyes never leaving the screen.

Cas swallowed around his brother's cock, humming his approval when he felt him swelling inside his mouth. He drew back a little and suckled at the cokchead, laping at the pre-come there. Lifting his gaze to meet Jimmy's, he had to squeeze himself at the base of his cock not to come right there and then because his brother's flushed face, parted red lips, and messy hair sure was a sight to behold!

“See?” He started, smiling, licking his lips, giving his brother a few rough strokes. “Nothing wrong with you, Jimmy.”

Yeah, maybe Castiel was right. Funny how his body had easily reacted to his twin's. 

“That's a good cocksucker, Cassie. That was perfect.” Luke praised, slowing his movements. “Now...prep yourself, let me and Jimmy watch while you do it. And make sure i have a good view too.”

Cas rolled his eyes but he obeyed. He always does. Hearing Lucifer say how good he has been, sure makes him feel special. He always tries to be good for both of them.

“I'll go get the lube.” But before Jimmy could get up, Cas touched his knee, stopping him. 

“There's a bottle inside my left pocket.” He smirked, gesturing towards the pants on the floor.

“You really...had it all planned, didn't you?” Jimmy snorted and looked back at Luke. “Bunch of pervs you are.” Jimmy then picked up Cas' pants and retrieved the lube from the left pocket. He tossed it at Cas and sat back while Luke leaned forward, his face filling the phone's screen, probably trying to get the best view.

“It's all for you, big brother. We want to see you smiling more often now that the doc said it's nothing serious.”

Way to kill the mood. But Jimmy's not letting that coming in the middle right now. Nope!

“For me, huh? You try to convince yourselves of that.” He laughed.

“You're laughing, guess that's a start. “Luke smiled, happy Jimmy's finally laughing again.

Meanwhile, Cas leaned back against the couch and brought both legs up, spreading them wide so both his brother and Luke could watch him while he prepares himself. The younger twin slicked two fingers and reached between his legs to circle at the rim, teasing himself a little, before he finally inserted that finger inside to the knuckle. Letting out a broken moan, he squeezed his eyes shut and started fingering his hole, adding another one when he felt he had room enough for it.

“Oh God, that's it..so...so beautiful.” Luke leaned back against the headboard and sped up his movements, biting on his lip hard enough to draw blood. “Fuck...another one, Cassie...”

Jimmy couldn't take his eyes off his brother either. Cas prepped himself far better than he or Luke ever did. He doesn't need their help and he also doesn't mind putting up a show for them, the shamless little slut.

Cas groaned and added a third finger, scissoring them and curling them until he found that particular spot within him that had him writhing in raw pleasure in no time.

Luke had to stop him right there.

“Enough, Castiel...”

Cas dropped his legs, still panting heavily, and stroke his aching erection a couple times, teasing the blond. “How did you know i was close, huh?”

“I always do.” Was the blond's snarky reply. “Jimmy? Lie down. Cas, you're gonna impale yourself on your brother's cock..inch by inch...i want to see it. Don't dare taking it all at once.”

“Uh-huh, or what? You'd spank me...thrice?” Cas snickered and kneeled on the couch, waiting for Jimmy to get in position.

“Don't tempt me.”

“But tempting you is all i do!”

Jimmy lied down on the couch, making sure he was comfortable, and he looked up to watch his little brother crawling on top of him, adjusting himself so his cock teased at his rim before slowly making his way downwards, taking it inch by inch, as requested by their boyfriend.

The older twin placed both hands around his brother's waist once he was fully seated and he had to take a deep breath not to finish right there. Cas felt so tight and hot around him, he feared he might lose it.

“Yeah, fuck yeah, that was really nice...” Luke nearly dropped the phone. “Shit, goddamn thing...” Clearing his throat, he watched as Cas started moving back and forth against Jimmy. His hand trying to follow their speed.

“Like this? Faster? Slower? Oh...” Cas moaned when Jimmy bucked his hips upwards, filling him to the brim with one perfectly aimed thrust.

“Jimmy's first, Cassie, don't forget that.”

Jimmy smirked and kept thrusting in and out.

“He's...he's not making it any easy, oh my fucking God, right there...! “ Cas leaned forward and placed both hands against his brother's bare chest, trying to keep up with the pace.

“Luke said i'm first, so i'm first.” Jimmy teased, moving faster, gasping whenever Cas' tight walls clenched around him.

Luke wanted to tell Jimmy to lay still...but he couldn't find it in him to do so. He has had it rough lately and though he doesn't mind ordering Castiel around, he doesn't want to do the same with Jimmy. Not at the moment, at least. He'll have time to fuck them both through the mattress when he gets home.

“You heard the man, Cas.”

The blond was so close, so damn close...but he wanted to come at the same time Jimmy did. By the looks of it, didn't look like the older twin wouldn't last much longer.

And he didn't.

Jimmy lifted his hips one last time and shot his load deep inside his brother's ass, moaning loudly as white-hot pleasure coursed through his body. 

Luke stroke himself furiously and came hard and fast against his hand, white ropes of come staining his shirt and pants.

The younger twin watched in awe as both his brother and boyfriend came at the same time and he shook with need. Wanting to let go as well.

Not yet though. Luke hadn't told him to do so.

“Okay, guys...you've had your fun..” He pouted, wiggling his ass, grinning when his brother let out a moan.

“Don't do that, Cas, fuck...too...too damn sensitive right now.”

Luke was still coming down of his high, his chest rising and lowering with each heavy breath he took. “We'll have to do this more often...”

“Lu-Ci-Fer!” Cas groaned.

“Oh, right, thought i had forgotten about something...”

“Very funny.”

“You've been good, you can come now.”

“Fina-”

“Just get off your brother first.”

“Gee...”

Cas removed himself off his brother's dick and sat on the couch, quickly reaching for his neglected erection. Took him only a few strokes until he was coming everywhere.

 

In the afterglow, Luke praised both of his boys and wished them a goodnight.

 

“That was..really something, huh?” Castiel grinned, glancing at his older brother. “How do you feel? Better?”

Jimmy picked up their clothes from the floor and nodded. “Yes, i feel a little more relaxed at least.”

“I'm glad. Wanna sleep together tonight? Miss you. Bed's been cold now that Luke's gone...and you and me haven't slept together in a while.”

What is Jimmy to say to that? 

“Yeah, sure. But it's only six in the afternoon.” Jimmy laughed softly. “And you know? I think i'm hungry. Just...no more soups, please.”

“Hey! You said it wasn't that bad.”

“I didn't say it was that good either.” Jimmy shrugged. “Gonna put these into the washing machine and then i'm starting the shower. 

“Kay...what do you want for dinner?”

“Pizza would be nice.” Jimmy said before he walked out of the living room.

“Huh, now that's a new one.” Still, Cas was glad his brother was okay and he was relieved his appetited seemed to be back. Pizza it is!

Right, he should put some clothes on before the pizza man arrives.


	3. Chapter 3

Jimmy went back to the clinic three days later for his scheduled appointment. 

After the CT Scan, Dr Gaines himself prepped him for the lumbar puncture. The procedure took about an hour and when it was done, the Doc called the nurse to take Jimmy back into the Radiology hold area for observation.

He was sore, tired, and nervous as hell. The Doc told him the results of the puncture would take some days, but that he'd go check the CT Scan ones and tell him first hand if there's anything wrong going on in his brain.

“I will be right back, Mr Novak, try not to move much. The nurse will bring you liquids to keep you hydrated.”

“Thank you.” Jimmy said, his voice coming out muffled because of the pillow.

 

“You're coming back tonight? Really?!”

“Yep, had a fight with my old man. So...why should i stay when i'm not wanted? He and his shop can take it up the ass for all i care.”

“Luke, it's your dad, you shouldn't talk like that.” Cas scolded, lying down in bed, his phone slipping off his hand for a moment.

“Don't give a fuck. What was that?”

“My phone fell...anyway, want us to go pick you up at the bus station?”

“I have to go to Demian's first. I'll go home after i make sure that dumbass didn't ruin anything around the shop. If i find out he messed with my wheels...”

“You'll raise the Apocalypse?” Castiel smirked.

“I will raise the goddamn Apocalypse.”

Cas chuckled.

“How is Jimmy?”

“Working or...having lunch since it's almost lunch break for him. He looks better since...we did that thing, but ...”

“But?”

“Dunno, he looked a little nervous this morning.”

“Hm...maybe it's nothing.” Luke said. “ Hey, why aren't _you_ working, huh?”

“Becky closed the store for a few days. The...pipes in the bathroom exploded and...uh, it wasn't pretty.” He laughed. “Not funny either, but...” Laughs some more?!

“Did you sabotage the pipes, Cassie?” The blond teased, snickering.

“Do you think i'd stoop that low just to...sleep in late?!”

“Yes.”

“Yep. But i didn't do anything, promise! It was an accident.”

“I believe you.” He laughed. “Okay, i have to go...still need to buy the bus ticket and then pack my stuff.”

“Okaaay...we miss you. See you later tonight.”

“Miss you too. See you.”

 

Dr Gaines returned to Radiology an hour later and by then, Jimmy was already sitting up, pillow strategically placed between his sore back and the cot's headboard. The nurse had left him a jar with water by the bedside table and had gone to assist other patients in the meanwhile.

“Mr Novak.”

“Doc.” Jim nodded, looking up at the other man. “Is...everything okay?”

“Hm...i'm afraid not.”

Jimmy tensed up.

“The results of the puncture will either comfirm my suspicions or...”

“Doctor Gaines, what is _it_?”

“You might have a brainstem glioma.”

And Jimmy squinted at that. “I... have no idea what that is.”

So the Doc pulled a chair and sat next to him. He explained that a glioma of that kind was very rare in young adults, let alone older adults, and that there were no official treaments. Only clinic trials. And so far, no progresses on stopping said cancer had been made. 

And when the doc explained the symptoms, Jimmy frowned. “But...i just have headaches and lack of appetite sometimes. Are you sure the results are right? Maybe...maybe the machine is broken, or...”

“It is a very tricky disease, Mr Novak. You can feel perfectly fine for sometime...and then they all show up at once. Your headaches...you said they get better after vomiting, right?”

Jimmy nodded, nervously, shaking a little

“That's a symptom, too.”

“But...i...a-am i going to die?”

“With proper treatment, 37% survive more than one year, 20% survive 2 years, and 13% survive 3 years. At least those are the latest statistics.”

God, that wasn't good...if the numbers are so low with treatment, then...

“And...without treatment?”

“A few months.”

Fuck.

“What am i supposed to do?!” Jimmy yelled all of a sudden, squirming, startling the Doctor. “ It's just a goddamn headache! I..”

“Mr Novak.” Gaines stood, trying to calm down his patient. “ Stop moving, your back is still sore, you'll-”

“I don't give a fuck, i'm dead either way, aren't i?!”

“NURSE!”

They eventually managed to calm him down. With the help of a sedative, that is.


	4. Chapter 4

Clock marked eleven pm when Luke arrived home. Of course he first passed by Demian's place and later went to the Auto Shop. 

Demian might be a little irresponsible bastard, but things seemed...okay. At least he hadn't touched his car, the one car every mechanic comes across once in a lifetime. To Luke, that's a red Ferrari 250 GTO from 1962. The car was a wreck when he first bought it, but he didn't mind. It quickly became his baby, his project, and he'd often work on it whenever he could.

He had just opened the front door, when Castiel launched himself at him, throwing both arms around his neck, hugging him so tightly, the blond thought he was going to suffocate.

“Cas...i'm happy to see you too, but...k-kinda need to breathe.”

“Sorry.” Cas loosened his death grip on him and kissed him on the lips. Just a peck though. “I'm happy you're back, uh...”

“What is it?” The other man asked, dropping his bag onto the floor.

“Jimmy arrived half an hour ago and he's...he's drunk.” Cas squinted. “I've never seen him like that before...won't talk to me either.”

“What, he has been drinking since he left work?”

“I have no idea...i'm not even sure he went to work today.” Cas sighed, dropping his arms to rest at his sides. 

“I'll go talk to him.” Luke said, walking past Cas.

“That might not be a good idea. Jim's an...angry drunk.”

“Drunks don't usually lie. If you want to get to the bottom of this, i suggest we talk to him now, Cassie. Come on.”

It was a terrible idea. But Castiel followed Lucifer into Jimmy's bedroom anyway.

 

Jimmy was lying down in bed, curled up like a ball, his blue eyes glossy and unfocused , reeking of alcohol and cigars. There were dried tears on his cheeks and a puddle of vomit near the bedside table.

“Jimmy...”Luke wrinkled his nose at the sight before him. It wasn't pretty and everything stank, but he didn't care. “Cas, fetch him a glass of water and some aspirin, will you? And bring his medication too.”

“I...shouldn't we take him to the Hospital?”

And the mere mention of Hospitals had Jimmy snapping.“NO, i'm not going back there, no Hospitals. Get out. Get OUT!”

“Shh, it's alright, we're not taking you. Gonna need you to calm down now, okay?” Luke sat on the edge of the bed, resting a hand against the older twin's back, moving it up and down his spine, trying to soothe him. “You'll be fine.”

“No, i won't.” Jimmy sobbed, squeezing his eyes shut, bringing his knees further up against his chin.

Noticing Cas was still standing by the doorway, looking shocked, he had to yell at him. “Cas! Glass of water and medication. Hurry.”

“Yeah, okay...” Casting a last glance at his twin, Cas hurried out of the room.

“Now that it's just the two of us...”Luke started, running his fingers through Jim's damp hair. “What happened? What led you to...well, _this_?”

“I fell...fell in love with my brother and his boyfriend and...and it's wrong and now God's punishing me and i....”

“Easy there...” Luke shifted his position in bed and pulled Jimmy to his lap, craddling the upper half of his body in his lap and arms. “ What do you mean God's punishing you? Jimmy...there's no right nor wrong people to fall in love with. It's not your fault. We love you too, more than you can imagine. Why isn't God punishing us too then?” Reasoning with a drunk is pointless but Luke's curious. Jimmy wasn't catholic, what kind of atheist drunk guy would bring God into the middle of it all of a sudden?

“Because...if i had kept my mouth shut, you and Cas would be happy ...but i had to ruin it, i always ruin everything.”

“James.” The blond lifted the other man's chin up, making sure he was listening. “You're not making any sense. What did you drink?”

And Jimmy just groaned, resting his head back against the blond's chest. “It doesn't matter. Things will...things will go back to normal soon.”

“I have it.” Cas entered the room, walking towards the bed, handing the water and the pills to Lucifer. 

“Thank you. Jimmy, gonna need you to swallow these, thing you can do it? For me and Cas?”

“He, uh...he doesn't look too good.” Though Castiel appears to be calm, he's trying not to panick. Jimmy's his only family and seeing him like that, even if he's just drunk, sure hurts him. A lot.

“He'll be fine in the morning.” Lucifer manhandled Jimmy to a sitting position and then helped him take the pills. “Good boy, Jimmy.”

“Pills are useless...” Jimmy giggled, his head lolling back and forth with the effort. “It's all useless.” He shrugged, coughing. “I think i...m'gonna...”

Jimmy threw up the water and the pills he just took and then flopped down in bed, breathing heavily.

“Are you sure he doesn't need medical attention?” Cas yelled, freaking out a little.

“Just bring more pills. We need to make sure he doesn't throw up again.”

Neither Luke or Castiel slept much that night. The blond had stayed with Jimmy, talking to him, soothing him whenever he started babbling nonsense, while Cas would go and bring dry towels and water. Luke figured he needed to keep Castiel busy so the youngest wouldn't have a panick attack and he ended up babysitting two twins instead of one.

Morning came and Luke woke up after a twenty minute nap. Jimmy was still sleeping and he looked a lot more at ease this time.

The room stank of vomit and as soon as Jimmy's up, they'll need to clean up and disinfect the place. Jimmy needed an urgent shower as well, but for the time being, they'll just let him sleep in.

The blond made a quick trip to the bathroom to relieve himself and frenshen up, and then joined Cas in the kitchen. He immediately noticed his red puffy eyes.

“Have you been crying?”

“No...just, i'm just tired.” Came Cas' reply as he turned to keep washing the dishes from last night's dinner.

“Hey.” Luke approached him from behind and wrapped his arms around his narrow waist, resting his chin on his shoulder. “He was just drunk...not dying.” He chuckled, hoping it would make Cas feel a little better. Didn't work though. “Hangover will be a bitch but he'll be okay.”

“I don't think he's okay.” Cas said, washing a plate. “ He's out all day, never returns our calls...and those headaches ...i think he's hiding something.”

“Hmm...he did say something weird last night. But i didn't take it seriously. He was drunk.”

“What did he say?” Cas asked, turning around, nearly dropping the plate. “You said drunks don't lie, so what did he say?”

“Nonsense...he said...”Luke laughed, shaking his head. “ Said God's punishing him for all the, you know, incest thing.”

“What? That doesn't make any sense.”

“Drunks don't make much sense.”

“I know, but....i'm worried.” Cas admitted, lowering his gaze.

“I am too. But...” He paused, lifting Cas' chin up.”...like i said, he'll be fine once the hangover's gone.”

“Promise?”

Luke nodded. “You'll see.”

“Something forced him to drink like that...and i don't think it was because of us. Can't be, after a whole year, why now?”

“We'll ask him later.” Luke kissed his forehead and poked his nose. “ I'll go for a shower. Got vomit all over my shirt.”

Cas grinned. “Yeah, you kinda stink.”

“Wanna scrub my back?”

But the youngest wasn't having none of it. Luke's attempt at seducing him failed! “I need to finish this...and then i have to clean Jimmy's room and make him something to eat.”

“Okay, you make a strong case.” The blond smirked, pulling away. “You and your brother still owe me.”

“Owe you what?!” Cas snickered. “Are you making up things again?”

“For the little show a few days ago. Do you have any idea how _hard_ it was...to be around my family whenever i thought of you two?”

“ _That_ hard?” Cas shrugged, feigning innocence.” You asked for it, can't blame us for anything.” Cas winked and Luke chuckled, spanking his rear.

“That was the first, there's still two to go.”

“Who says i'm complaining?”

And Luke snorted at that. “You little minx.”

 

Jimmy woke up several hours later, stinking of alchol, sweat and vomit and he nearly threw up again. His head throbbed painfully and all of his body ached as well. Blinking his eyes into focus, he sat up in bed and looked around. His room was clean...so, he's the one stinking like old bars and sewers. Great.

“Fuck...” He closed his eyes, pressing his palm against his forehead, like that would make his headache go away.

“Jimmy?”

Looking towards the door, he saw his twin standing there. “Cas...what time is it?”

“Almost four.”

“In the morning?”

Cas shook his head no. “Afternoon. Closed the blinds to help you sleep, so...hm, how are you feeling?”

“Like shit.” His head seemed to hurt more when he spoke. “Fuck.”

“Here. Brought you this. Was gonna leave it on the bedside table, but...since you're up.” Cas walked to the bed and sat next to his older brother, handing him a glass of water and some pills. “We tried to make you take them last night but you were always throwing up.”

“We? Luke's home then...thought that had just been a dream.” He took the glass and the pills and took them all at once.

“He went to the shop but he'll be back soon.”

“Okay.”

“You were in pretty bad shape last night...why did you get drunk? What happened?”

And Jimmy froze.

Should he tell his little brother about his disease? What for? So he can cry his eyes out until the day he eventually dies? Jimmy didn't want to...he didn't want his twin to suffer. Then again, he didn't want to go through it alone either. According to Dr Gaines, things will change soon and he won't be able to hide it anymore. Should he tell Cas and Luke by then?

“Jimmy? Hey, you with me?”

“What?”

“You...spaced out for a moment.”

“Oh...yeah, sorry. I...went for a few drinks with the guys. One of them challenged me into a drinking contest and when i noticed, i was more than just a little tipsy.” He grinned, shrugging, hoping that would be enough for now.

“Jimmy.” Cas squinted. “That's a whole load of crap and you know it. What did really happen?”

Damn.

“I just told you.”

“You don't even like drinking!”

“Lower your voice, head hurts.”

“I don't care!” Cas yelled. “You've been acting weird lately and you expect me to fall for a lame ass excuse like that? I'm your brother, i know you.”

“Cas...”

“No, don't _Cas_ me.” He stood from the bed and walked to the door. “Enjoy the hangover.” And then he was gone.

Jimmy wasn't even mad at his twin. He knows Castiel is right. He should come clean and tell them everything, but...he can't, not right now. Not when he hasn't even decided yet if he wants to be treated or not. Being able to expand his life for a few more months seemed pointless. And if he's to suffer until the end, why should he put himself through countless side effects that might getting him killed sooner than expected?


	5. Chapter 5

Luke returned home a few hours later and after checking with Cas and getting a _humph_ and a door slammed against his face out of blue, he assumed both brothers had probably got into a fight in his absence.

He went to find Jimmy in his room then.

The older twin had already showered and he was lying down in his bed, staring at the ceiling, seeming lost in his thoughts. The blond smiled and closed the door behind, walking to the bed, taking a seat next to the other man.

“Hey there, someone's feeling a lot better, isn't he?” Luke ran his fingers through his boyfriend's hair, moving a few rebel locks out of the way, and noticed how glossy and puffy his blue eyes were. “Jimmy? Have you been crying?”

“Cas is mad at me.” Jimmy whispered, blinking once, gaze still glued on the ceiling. 

“Want to tell me what happened?” He tugged at the twin's arm, trying to make him look at him instead of looking at the ceiling but so far, no success. The blond didn't like the look on Jimmy's face. He looked like he was...high or something.

“I lied, Luke...and he got mad because i lied...but...b-but i can't...” And then he was turning towards the blond, hiding his face in his chest, letting out a few strangled sobs.

“It's okay. Tell me, i promise i won't be mad at you. And Cas will understand too, alright?” He tried to soothe the twin by softly caressing his back and nape. “But you've got to give me something, baby, it's breaking my heart seeing you like this.” He can tell something's wrong, very wrong. But he needs Jimmy to tell him because he's no psychic!

“What would happen...if i...” Jimmy started, slowly lifting his head from the blond's chest to look up at him. “If i...were to leave.”

“Leave? Heh...and where would you go, mister?” Luke chuckled, holding the twin's gaze. “We would have to go with you, of course. What brought this up anyway, huh?”

Jimmy went silent.

And that's when Luke suddenly recalled his words from last night. All that drunken nonsense he was babbling about...God and sins. He wonders if Jimmy remembers any of that?

“Do you... remember anything from last night?”

The twin shook his head in denial, bringing a hand up to rub his left temple, starting to feel a little dizzy out of nowhere. “Cas' mad at me because of that too...hm...what did i say?”

“You were feeling guilty for being in a relationship with us...and i have to say, that actually caught me off guard.”

“Oh...”

“Do you...really feel guilty about it. Jimmy?” If so, how long has he felt that way?

“No, i...i guess i was just making up excuses for when....for when i eventually leave.”

Luke let out a groan, rolling his eyes. “There you go again, what do you even mean?”

“I don't want Cas to know...not yet.”

“Okay.” Needless is to say Luke's starting to feel a little nervous. 

“Promise!”

“Fine, fine...i promise.” What's so bad he can't even tell Castiel about it?

“I'm sick.”

Luke released a breath he didn't know he was holding. Sick? And then everything clicked. Jimmy's weird behavior, his late night shenanigans...the visits to the clinic. Not to mention he has probably gone there more times than he and Cas are actually aware of.

Jimmy hadn't been himself for a while now and the blond feels sick to his stomach for only having noticed it now and finally coming to realize how bad it is. How bad it might be.

“How...sick?”

“Very.”

“God, Jimmy...what is it?!” The blond sat up straight and placed both hands on the twin's shoulders, not even realizing he was shaking him a little.

“I...i might not have much time.” Jimmy lowered his head and started to cry in earnest.

And Luke...how's he supposed to react to such horrible news?! “That...that can't be right. You're fine, Jimmy, you can't...”

He tugged the older twin into the circle of his arms and held him close, letting him cry against his chest all he wants, all he needs. “You're not dying. I'm not allowing that to happen.”

Like he could decide that.

He wished he could, but...

“You're not going anywhere. Whatever you have...we're going to see it through. Together. You, Cas and I.”

Jimmy kept crying.

“You'll be fine.” He kissed the top of the twin's head and tried hard not to cry too. Jimmy needed him to be strong. Cas, too. If he breaks, things will hit rock bottom really...really fast.


	6. Chapter 6

Luke tried very hard to respect Jimmy's decision of not telling Cas about his sickness, he really did...but it pained him seeing the angry looks the youngest of the twins would cast his brother every now and then. The blond knows he is not truly angry, he knows he's using anger as a mask to cover up for his hurt just because it's easier that way.

Tension in the house was so thick, you could cut it with a knife.

Things at Becky's store eventually went back to normal and Castiel was able to return to work. Lucifer would spend most of his days at the Auto Shop, mostly admonishing Demian for being a lazy ass though he'd often text Jimmy to know how he was doing.

And Jimmy, he wasn't doing so well.

The symptoms the doctor described to him before manifested rather quickly. Double vision, excruciating headaches...he couldn't even eat properly since the chewing and swallowing had become quite difficult.

The eldest twin didn't even bother calling his workplace to let them know he was going to be away for a while. _For a while_ , he mused, if only.

He still wasn't sure if he should accept treatment or not, afraid it might only shorten his life...though Luke told him he should give it a try and...who knows, maybe expect a miracle.

But Jimmy didn't believe in miracles. And he knows Lucifer doesn't believe in them either. Not really.

 

Castiel leaned against the counter, resting his chin on both of his palms, letting out soft sighs once in a while. Of course this caught Becky's attention.

“I gotta ask.” She started, coming to stand beside him by the counter. “You've been sulking for days now and that's not good for business!”

“No clients have come inside for the past two hours.”

Becky frowned, pouting.

“That's beside the point.” She huffed. “Clearly something happened...and Jimmy hasn't joined us for lunch in ages...is that what this is all about?”

He knows Becky doesn't mean to pry, even if she does it quite often, he knows her intentions are good and he knows that she worries, but...

“I really don't want to talk about it, i'm sorry.”

Becky nodded, smiling sadly.“Okay, okay...” She patted his shoulder and then walked towards the bookshelf she had been trying to decorate for Valentine's day. ”Just make an effort and try to smile more often, the clients will appreciate it.”

“Sure, i can do that.”

The bell above the door jingled as Adam walked into the store, typical constipation look plastered across his features. The young boy had become a client in the past few months when Michael literally dragged him by the ear out of Charlie's house and forced him to go back to college.

Good thing Becky sold textbooks as well.

“'Morning, guys.” Adam greeted.

“Hello, hello!” Becky's smile could outshine the sun!

“Hey, Adam, been a while. How's school treating you?” Cas tried to smile only he could never smile the way Becky does. Not even when he's a good mood!

“Fucking phenomenal.”

“Adam, language!” Becky scolded. “What if there were kids around?!”

Adam shrugged. “The math books i ordered, they arrived yet?”

“Hm...we received a few packages in the mail today, i'll check it out. “ Cas said, going into the back room.

Becky smiled at Adam and immediately tried to make conversation. “ Soo...Valentine's day is just around the corner, any...lucky ladies in sight?” She teased, picking up a couple books from a box to put them into the shelf dedicated to the upcoming holiday.

“I wish.” He snorted. “You?”

“Well...” She giggled. “I heard my crush is moving back to town for good, soo...dunno.” The blonde shrugged and reached for a couple more books. “Might ask him out...”

“Oh, great.”

“Yeah. Wish me luck.” She winked, crossing her fingers.

“Right...”

“Here's your package, Adam.” Cas said as he returned from the back room, placing a box on the counter. “Two math textbooks.”

“Thrilled.” Adam fished his wallet out of his pocket and glanced towards the blue eyed twin. “How much do i owe you?”

“Hm...” Cas checked the price tags and looked up at Adam. “Eighty five.”

“Fucking hell!”

“Adam!” That was Becky.

 

Alone in the house, Jimmy spent most of his time in bed, staring at nothing, ignoring the tv. The background noise was nice though, even if he didn't care about whatever was on. Made him feel less lonely.

At some point, he had to go to the bathroom.

Getting up from bed proved to be quite difficult. 

He managed, even if he stumbled a few times. 

Jimmy never made it back to the bedroom because after relieving himself, his head started spinning and he ended up throwing up the tea he had drank earlier. Dizziness settled in and the older twin decided it would be best if he waited for it go away.

Finding himself exhausted and frustrated, probably dehydrated, Jimmy pulled the lid over the toilet and leaned his head against it, closing his eyes.

The dizziness would go away soon, he hoped, and then he could go back to bed.

 

“Oi, Luke!”

The blond didn't seem to be listening as he sent a fourth text to Jimmy. The twin had been replying to him once in a while but it has been a couple hours since he last replied. Sure, he knows he could have fallen asleep or something...but he was still worried.

How not to?

He wished he could have stayed home with him.

“LUKE!”

“WHAT!”

“Jesus, what crawled up your ass this morning?!” Demian teased, reaching for a cloth to wipe the oil from his hands.

“Probably not the same thing that crawled up yours.”

“Hah! Good one...no, woke up alone this time, i-”

“Demian? I don't care.”

“Do you ever?! Tsk, worst boss ever...”

“Shop's mine now, remember? I can always fire you.”

“You'd miss me.” Demian said, making kissy lips at Lucifer.

“Anyway...” The blond rolled his eyes, slipping his phone back into his pocket. “What do you want?”

“Nothing.” The other man shrugged, tossing the dirty cloth away. “Noticed you've been staring at your phone the entire morning, just wondering if everything's alright, unless... you were sexting that boyfriend of yours? Ehh? Eeeh? So...were you?”

“Go back to work.”

“Geez! Someone's not getting any lately, is he?!”

Luke threw a wrench his way and Demian barely managed to dodge it.

“HEY, you trying to kill me?!”

“Back. To. Work.”

 

Around five in the afternoon, Becky told Castiel she'd be closing the store earlier. The twin asked her why and she said she had stuff to do. Personal stuff. The creepy giggle she let out afterwards did sound...odd. Cas offered to close the store for her in that case but she had just shook her head no and told him to go home.

Okay, not that he's complaining.

Cas arrived home an hour later, after having stopped by the grocery store to get some food for dinner.

At first, he thought no one was home...but as he placed the grocery bags on the kitchen table, he heard a faint sound coming from the hall.

Jimmy's supposed to be working, right? So is Lucifer, so...

Cas followed the noise to the bathroom and found his twin clinging to the toilet, sobbing and shivering all over. He didn't even think twice, he immediately sank to his knees before his brother and craddled his face between his hands.

“Jimmy? Hey, hey...it's me, it's Cas...what happened?!”

“I..” Jimmy sobbed, blinking his eyes several times, hoping he'd stop seeing two Castiels instead of one. Didn't work. “I-i can't move, Cas...i-”

“God, i'm calling an ambulance!”

“No, no...please, no. Don't.”

“Jimmy, you're a mess, i'm not leaving you like this.” Cas' eyes started to water, his voice faltering. This wasn't a hangover, was it? No, this was something else...” Come on, can you hold on to me?”

Jimmy lowered his head, groaning, as he tried to use the toilet for leverage. He ended up falling on his ass again. “Sorry...”

“Shh, it's okay...”

Cas ended up carrying his brother bridal style.

He thought he'd be heavy but the realization his brother actually felt lighter than a feather, had him rather scared.

Castiel laid his older brother on the bed and covered him with the blankets. “There, better now?”

Jimmy nodded weakly, squeezing his eyes shut. 

“Something wrong with your eyes?”

“Kind of...been seeing double since i woke up.” He admitted.

“You're sick...aren't you?” Cas asked, afraid of the answer. Even if deep down he already knows _said_ answer. Though Luke and Jimmy had been trying to cover up, he knows something's amiss.

You could say Cas preferred to believe his older brother was turning into a drunk rather than being sick with something horrible.

Jimmy nodded again, eyes still closed.

“And Luke knows, doesn't he?”

Another nod.

“And you didn't tell me...why?”

“Was afraid of your reaction.”

Cas swallowed around the lump in his throat, his blue eyes glistening with unshed tears. If both Jimmy and Luke were afraid of how he might react...then that means it has to be something terrible, right? He's not so sure he wants to know now...

But he _has_ to know if he wants to help his twin brother.

“What...what do you have?”

“It's called a...hm...brainst- brain...” Difficulty talking. Yet another great symptom. “Cancer. In the brain.”

“Cancer? Jimmy...” Cas sobbed and Jimmy opened his eyes, squinting a little, trying to ignore the second Cas in the room. “Oh God...no, nonono...this isn't happening.”

“Cas...” The older twin rubbed his eyes and tried blinking them into focus again. “I'm sorry, i really am...didn't want to have to leave you, i-”

“What about treatment? Are you being treated? I'll go talk to your doctor first thing in the morning and...and...” And he finally started crying. 

Jimmy's heart sank a little and he tried to reach out a hand to touch his little brother's arm, hoping to soothe him. “Come here, Cas, lie with me.”

“But...” Cas sobbed. “Jimmy, you're not going to...you're not, are you? No, you can't...”

Jimmy groaned as he sat up and pulled his brother into a hug. His body might be weak and his limbs kind of numb, but as long as he can still hug his brother, it's something. A little victory.

“Lie with me.” He whispered against Cas' ear and pressed a chaste kiss against his shoulder. “I'll feel a lot better if you do, promise.”

“Your meds, aren't you...are you taking any meds? Jimmy...”

“Shh.”

Jimmy lied down and pulled his brother with him. Cas fumbled with the covers and slipped underneath them, clinging to his twin like he was afraid of losing him. “You should have told me...”

“I'm sorry...i guess, i didn't want you to suffer.”

“You assbutt, do you think i'd feel better after finding out on my own or...after you...”

“Maybe.”

“You can't leave me, you're all i have...what am i even supposed to do without you?” 

“You'll have Luke...and your friends, they'll help and-”

“Stop it, don't talk like that.”

“You asked.”

“Stupid assbutt.” Cas mumbled, hugging Jimmy a little tighter.

 

Luke arrived home a couple hours later and found both twins sleeping in Jimmy's bed, hugging each other tightly, like they wanted to meld with one another.

The sight brought a smile to his lips but when he noticed the dried tears on both of their cheeks, he immediately knew the cat was out of the bag.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Demian is an Oc from my friend **MashuraDi.**


	7. Chapter 7

Castiel woke up around ten pm, groaning at the light throbbing in his head, blue eyes blinking his daze away, and only then he gently extracted himself from his twin's loose grip. Jimmy had finally fallen asleep and though the room was dark, the faint light coming from the tv; which none of them bothered to turn off before; allowed him to take in his brother's features.

He looked so tired, even in his sleep, and when he reached out a hand to lift his shirt, he was able to confirm he had lost a lot of weight too. Muscle and body fat giving place to bone. No wonder he didn't have any trouble carrying him back to bed a few hours ago.

A dreadful feeling settled in his gut, and Cas quickly pulled his hand away, new tears forming in his eyes.

The youngest bolted for the door and nearly rammed against Luke, who happened to be outside, walking down the corridor, carrying a basket with clothes.

Right, it was laundry day.

“Hey hey, watch it!” The blond managed not to drop the basket and his gaze immediately found Cas', noticing glistening wide blue eyes under the corridor's dim lights. “Are you alright?”

“H-how am i supposed to be alright?” 

Luke left the basket on the floor and approached his boyfriend, wrapping his arms around him, moving a hand up and down his back, hoping it would him calm down. “Want to talk?”

Cas nodded against Luke's shoulder.

“Is Jimmy still asleep?”

Another nod.

“Okay, let's talk then.”

 

Lucifer and Castiel went to the kitchen, since it was the farthest room in the house from Jimmy's bedroom, and since none of them wished to wake him up, it was their best option. Their only option.

Castiel told Luke, between broken sobs and tears, how he had found his brother in the bathroom when he got home earlier in the afternoon, and the blond had flinched at the mere mental picture. Jimmy was suffering and he was avoiding treatment because he didn't want to die before his time...and Luke tried to understand, he did, but he couldn't stand and do nothing while the older twin grew weaker with each passing day.

And now that Castiel had witnessed it as well, Jimmy wouldn't be able to avoid the doctors anymore.

“You should have told me...” Cas said after a brief silence, slumping in his seat, eyes glued onto the table's wooden surface. “Even if he told you not to. You really should have told me, Luke. Perhaps we...p-perhaps he could have been treated earlier.”

“I am sorry. I didn't want to betray Jimmy's trust. No matter how...hard the situation was.”

“Has he been like that for long?” Cas asked, lifting his head to look over at the older man. “In pain, not being able to stand...”

The blond denied, letting out a sigh. “He has been suffering, yes, but...i believe the symptoms came crashing down on him all at once. He was able to walk just fine yesterday...even if he limped a little.”

“Huh...i thought that was because of something else.” He said, running his fingers through his messy bed hair. “God, i was so dumb...i was so angry, i...”

“You didn't know, don't blame yourself.” Luke answered, reaching out one of his hands to intertwine his fingers with Cas' over the table. “I am the one to blame, i should have told you. I am truly sorry.”

“You were loyal, that's...admirable.”

“Just not in this case, right?”

“Right.” Cas smiled weakly. “So...i am going to call Jimmy's doctor in the morning and...i suppose he'll be admitted into the Hospital.” And then he frowned. “He needs to be treated, even if...even if it's dangerous. I'm not letting my brother die, Luke. I can't. I...” Biting his lower lip did not help holding his tears back. “We already lost so much, i can't lose him too.”

“We'll do everything in our power to help him, Castiel. If i have to...hell, if money becomes a problem, i'll just sell the Ferrari.”

Cas' eyes widened in surprise at what the blond said and he absently squeezed his hand a little tighter. “But...that's your baby, your project, you can't...”

“It's just a stupid car anyway.” Luke smiled, squeezing Cas' hand in return.

“I love you.” The younger twin blurted out, letting out a sob. “I really do, i love you.” He got up from his chair and slid onto his boyfriend's lap, pressing his lips onto his for a chaste kiss, resting his forehead against his.

“Love you too, both of you.”

He gave Cas another kiss and smiled against his lips. “We'll beat this. Jimmy will...he will be okay.”

The odds are against them, but Luke has to be strong for the three of them. He needed Cas to be strong for his brother, too.

 

Next day, it was Valentine's day.

An ambulance was parked near the curb, right next to the Novaks' residence.

Jimmy didn't take well when he woke and found a couple paramedics hovering over him. And he went mad at the sight of an ambulance stretcher just outside his room.

“What did you do? I told you i didn't want this!” Jimmy started, weakly trashing against one of the medics' hold, who seemed to be trying to sedate him, using a rather annoying soothing voice to tell him it was for his own good. “Luke, tell them to stop! Cas!”

Neither Lucifer or Cas liked it, but it had to be done

Jimmy needed medical assistance and even though it was Valentine's day, Castiel didn't want his brother to spend another day at home, suffering.

He still couldn't shake away the mental image of his older brother in the bathroom. He didn't want to see him like that, not again. Not ever.

Castiel rode in the ambulance with his brother while Luke followed them in the car.

Jimmy refused to talk to his twin during the entire trip, and even if it pained him, Cas couldn't do anything about it. The youngest watched as his brother slowly calmed down, thanks to the sedative, and noticed how he tried to fight back the sleep that would take over him eventually.

They arrived to the Hospital shortly after and while the medics took Jimmy inside, meeting halfway with the doctor on shift that day, a nurse told Castiel he could go to his brother as soon as he filled in the admission file.

Luke joined him by the reception desk a few minutes later.

“Sorry, couldn't find a good place to park.”

“It's okay, they just took him inside...” Cas said as he tried to complete the file as quick as possible.

“Is Dr Gaines here yet?”

“Mrs Owen here said he'd arrive in an hour.”

The woman behind the desk smiled at both men, patiently waiting for Castiel to finish filling in the file.

“I think it's done.” The youngest slid the paper over the counter to the woman and watched as she took it with her left hand, giving it a quick reading. “Can we go see him now?”

“Just a minute, please.”

The woman inserted the data into the computer and used her free hand to reach for the telephone. After a quick call, she looked from the screen to both of them. “You can go now, Mr Novak is in room 237.”

“Thank you, Mrs Owen.”

Cas and Luke entered Jimmy's room a few minutes later and Cas' eyes followed the nurse's actions, watching as she adusted the lock mechanism, making the liquid in the bag hanging from the IV pole to start dripping a little faster. She then turned around and offered them a gentle smile before leaving the room, slowly closing the door on her way out.

And much to Cas and Luke's surprise, Jimmy was still awake.

The silence was dreadful and when Cas dared to open his mouth to say something, Jimmy rolled his eyes at his little brother, squeezing them shut, turning his head away. “Get out of here.”

“Jimmy.” That was Lucifer. He approached the bed and took the older twin's hand in his. “This is for your-”

“For my own good? Right.” He huffed, trying to pull his hand away. “Didn't want to die in a...in a goddamn Hospital. I want to go home.”

“Will you stop like talking like that?” Cas' voice was weak with emotion but he tried not to cry. 

“Like what?”

“Like you're already dead. Because you aren't and..and where's life, there's hope and-”

Jimmy chuckled, wincing at the way his body cringed in pain. “You're a walking cliché, Cas...”

“What's important is that you'll be medicated. You don't have to be in pain just because you're stubborn, Jim.” Luke said, softly squeezing the older twin's hand. “And...we'll see about the rest when Dr Gaines gets here.”

“Dr Gaines?” Jimmy tsked, turning his head on the pillow, opening his glossy blue eyes to look up at the blond. “You don't get it, do you? What's the point...i just...wanted to be home when it happened, not...here, surrounded by sick people, horrible Hospital food...and don't even get me started on the smells, i...” He sighed, closing his eyes again. “I wanted to be home, with you. Wanted to be comfortable.”

“Jimmy...no.” Cas stood on the other side of the bed, gazing down at his brother, wanting to hold his free hand as well but not daring to do so, afraid he'd only anger him more than he already is. “Imagine i was sick, what would you do?”

That seemed to ignite a fire inside the other twin. Blue eyes opened and met equal blue. “I'd do anything.”

“See?” Cas said softly. “It's exactly what i'm doing here, big brother.”

“But...”

“No 'buts', Jimbo.” Luke chimed in, leaning a little to grab Cas' hand and place it over his brother's. “Castiel is looking after you, we're _both_ looking after you...and even though the odds might seem to be against us, we sure aren't giving up without a fight...the question here is...”He paused, holding Jimmy's gaze. “Are you with us?”

Jimmy said nothing.

“Jimmy?” Cas tried to reach out to his twin, giving his hand a little squeeze.”Will you accept being treated?”

“We know you're strong, all we ask is...you be brave for us. Can you do that?” Luke's soothing voice had Jimmy turning his head in his direction again.

“Please, brother.”

“Promise me one thing.” The oldest twin said after what seemed to take forever.

“Anything.” Luke said, Cas nodded.

“When things get bad...and they will get bad...i want to go home.”

Cas nodded, eyes sparkling with unshed tears. “Promise.”

“Me too.”

“Thank you.” Jimmy allowed a little smile to adorn his features. Whatever was inside that bag sure helped the pain go away. Probably morphine, he thought.

“So, uh...i know it's probably not the best time, but...”Cas leaned in and gave his brother a peck on the lips. “Happy...Valentine's day?”

Jimmy snorted.

“I'd punch you...if you weren't so pretty.”

Castiel grinned, not even realizing a single tear had streamed down his face. “Talk about narcissism...” He joked. “I called Becky, told her i'm not going to work today and...Luke asked Demian to watch over the shop, so ...we're spending the day with you.”

“Yeah?” Jimmy smiled. “Where are my flowers, the chocolates, the wine? Also...i'm not sure the three of us will fit into this tiny bed for the hot steamy sex thing.”

Lucifer chuckled, shaking his head. “Missed this side of you, Jimbo.”

“Thank whatever's inside that bag.” Jim smirked, tilting his head towards the IV pole.

As long as it kept the pain at bay.

“We can fetch something after Dr Gaines comes.” Castiel started. “But only if you promise you'll try to eat.”

“Bring me chocolate and i assure you i'll eat.” Jimmy joked. Funny how his mood changed so abruptly. He could blame the morphine all he wanted, but then again, he guesses he's feeling a little more relaxed because both his brother and boyfriend had promised he could go home when things get worse.

He can't be as positive as they are...but he surely can pretend he is if that somehow brings peace of mind to Luke and Cas.

 

Dr Gaines arrived an hour later.

The doctor talked to the three of them, explained Jimmy's disease in detail, and then he proceeded to offer them the only options on the table.

Jimmy wasn't even paying attention anymore.

“Provide comfort until he...until he...dies, or treatment.” Cas said, pretty much summing up what was said.”A treatment that doesn't have a high success rate.”

“That is correct, yes.” Dr Gaines replied. “Unfortunately, that's all we've got.” And then he looked over at the twin in the bed. “You should have contacted me sooner. You didn't have to go through all the pain by yourself, Mr Novak. When you didn't show at the clinic, i didn't think much of it, i thought you had gone somewhere else to ask for a second opinion.”

“I had made peace with my fate, doc.” Jimmy shrugged.

“I see. Still...you don't have to suffer.”

“Well...i'm going to die either way, aren't i?”

Cas flinched at his brother's words while Luke remained his stoic self during the exchange.

“Guess i...yeah, why not, let's try the treatment then.”

“Very well. I shall make arrangements. We can start tomorrow morning if that is okay with you?”

Jimmy shrugged again.

The doctor left and Luke followed him outside. Probably wanting to know more about the way the treatment will be given or something.

“I'm proud of you, Jimmy. I...i have the feeling things will get better, you know?” Cas smiled, leaning to kiss his brother's forehead. 

“You sure are confident...you heard what the doctor said, didn't you?”

“I did...but i am allowed to feel confident, aren't i?” Cas beamed, feeling a lot better now that his brother was being medicated and would soon start the treatment.

“I guess...so, about those chocolates?”

 

Though visiting hours had long ended, the nurses let Luke and Castiel stay with Jimmy for a while longer. They had giggled and whistled when Luke came carrying what seemed to be a box of take out and a bunch of Valentine's day balloons, followed by an equally busy Castiel, who carried a huge teddy bear and a bag with heart patterns all over it.

A nurse would come every now and then to check on the IV and replace the bag when it was empty, but other than that, they respected their privacy.

Probably in a Valentine's day mood as well.

Jimmy was hungry, the morphine did that, and he ended up devouring the food they brought him, not to mention all the heart shaped chocolates in the box as well, not letting either Cas or Luke touch them.

They didn't mind. Cas was glad his brother was eating again and Luke teased him, trying to steal chocolate kisses when he was still chewing like a greedy five year old.

The bear sat at a chair in the corner and the balloons were tied to the bed rail.

“Think the nurses would let us stay the night?” Cas snickered, knowing damn well such a thing was not possible. “We could, uh...try and squeeze into the bed...somehow.” He squinted, trying not to laugh at the mental picture of three grown ass men trying to fit into such a small, narrow bed.

“If only.” Luke laughed. “Jimmy will have Mr Teddy here to make him company...”

“Hmm...”Jimmy blinked, taking a look at the bear in the corner. “I'm not sleeping with that. Gives me the heebies-jeebies.”

“What, i think it's adorable!” Cas pouted.

A nurse opened the door a moment later and she informed Castiel and Luke that they needed to go. She also said they could come back anytime tomorrow, before or after Jimmy starts the treatment.

“We'll be on our way, thank you.” Luke said and the nurse smiled, leaving the room.

“You'll be back tomorrow, right?” Jimmy asked, lips curling into a little smile when he felt his little brother's hand softly squeezing his.

“I'll be here first thing in the morning. I'm sure Becky will understand. Business' slow, so...i don't think she'll give me a hard time for skipping work for a few days.” Cas said, looking from his twin to Luke.

“And I'll drop by the shop just to make sure Demian hasn't ruined anything. I want to be here when you start the treatment,too.”

“I wasn't implying i want you with me the whole time, though it would be nice...but i don't want you to skip work because of me. I'll still be here by the end of the day, i mean...it's not like i can go anywhere anyway.” Jimmy snorted, fidgeting with the hem of the sheet, seeming rather nervous about having to stay in the Hospital for the night.

“Yeah, well, i'm not letting you go through this alone and neither is Luke, so...suck it up, big bro.” Cas smiled. “Try to sleep, we'll be here in the morning.” And then he bent to give his brother a proper kiss, letting his tongue slip past his twin's lips for a moment.” I love you, okay? Rest.”

“What he said.” Luke kissed Jimmy next, running his fingers through his hair. “I'm sorry we acted behind your back...but we did it because we love you. You know that, don't you?” He asked, kissing his forehead.

Jimmy shook his head.”Love you too.”

 

Lucifer and Castiel arrived home half an hour later and when the blond locked the door and turned around, he saw his boyfriend crying.

“Maybe...m-maybe i could have stayed. I could have...tried hiding the bed?”

“Cas...what are you talking about? Come here.” Luke pulled him into his arms and kissed his temple.

“I feel terrible for leaving Jimmy all alone.” The younger man sniffled.

“Me too...but he won't be alone for long, we'll be with him again tomorrow. Cas?” He pulled away, placing both hands on Castiel's shoulders. “He needs us to be strong, okay?”

“It's Valentine's day...should we...should we have waited?”

“No, you saw how much he was suffering. We couldn't allow it to go on for any longer.”

Castiel gave Luke a nod and wiped his tears on his sleeve. “I'm going to have a shower.”

“Okay. I'll go take care of the laundry. Forgot about it last night.”

“You, uh...you can join me in the shower later. If you want. Just...i don't think i can...”

“Me neither. But i will.” Luke smiled, giving Cas a gentle pat on the back.

 

Jimmy started the treatment around ten in the morning, under the close supervision of Dr Gaines. Castiel was already there and Luke had texted him, saying he'd be a little late because Demian had screwed with a client's car. That and something about being too early for Demian's crap.

The doc excused himself and left the room for a moment, leaving Cas and Jimmy alone.

“Feeling any different?” Cas prompted.

“A little too early for that...i just started, Cas.” Jimmy sighed. “Is...is Luke still coming?”

“Yeah, he apologizes for being late.”

“He doesn't have to. It's his job.”

“Becky asked me why i was skipping work and i told her, Jimmy, told her about your...condition. She asked me to wish you a quick recovery.”

Jimmy huffed. “Sure.”

 

In the following days, Jimmy started feeling considerably weaker. He wouldn't eat and he had trouble with his eye sight. It seemed the treatment was only making the previous symptons a lot more worse. Dr Gaines told Castiel and Luke it was normal, that the treatment had severe side effects, and that it was almost over.

Almost over and Jimmy haven't gotten any better.

Cas could tell his brother was tired. All those drugs in his system hadn't changed anything and the radiotherapy seemed to be nothing but a dead end as well. The tumor appeared the same size it was when it was found but the doctor feared a new biopsy would only endanger his patient's life, so he chose not to perform it.

Palliative care, the doctor said a few days later.

It was all they could do now that the treatment had been administered and no positive results had come out of it.

“I don't want ...Cas? Cas...”

“I'm here.” Castiel held his brother's hand.

“You said...i could go home.” Jimmy coughed, his scrawny figure shaking with the effort.” See, i...i told you. Take me home, i wanna...please.”

“We'll go home then.” Cas' voice faltered and Luke, standing on the other side of the bed, could tell his boyfriend was trying very hard not to break in front of them.

Dr Gaines didn't even try to convince Jimmy to stay. If his patient wished to go home, then he'd go home. He only wished he wouldn't have to suffer for too long.

 

A couple days later after being back home, Jimmy seemed to have finally given up.

And it was breaking Cas' heart because the youngest knew his brother didn't have much long now. Jimmy couldn't get out of bed without help and he had completely stopped eating. Water and tea were the only thing he could keep down his stomach. In good days, that is.

Luke was at the shop and Cas had asked Becky if he could get off work early because he wanted to go check on Jimmy. The girl had almost thrown him out of the store and said he could take a week off if he wanted. 

A week that would be taken off his month vacation later, but he wasn't worried about such a trivial thing at the moment.

On his way back home, the phone inside his pocket rang and he quickly took it, checking the name on the screen. Ellen Harvelle.

He had told their foster parents about Jimmy's situation a few days ago and he wasn't surprised Ellen was calling. “Hi, Ellen.”

“Cas, hey. You home?”

“I just got off work, walking home as we speak.”

“How's my boy, how's Jimmy today?”

“Not doing too good...his situation hasn't changed since the last time we spoke.” Cas said, voice trembling. “You probably...you should come over, i mean...if you can, uh...”

“Had you told me about this since the start...i would have travelled over there weeks ago.”Ellen sighed, knowing she was being a little harsh on Castiel. “I'll tell Jo to take care of the Roadhouse while i'm gone.”

“Thank you. Tell Jo i miss her.”

“Will do, boy. We'll talk later.”

When Castiel got home, he saw Dean and Pamela standing by the front door.

“Hm...hello?” Cas started, approaching them, fishing the keys out of his pocket.

“Cassie.” Pamela pulled him into a hug and kissed his cheek. “We heard about Jimmy. I hope it's okay we came to visit?”

“Yeah, ya know...we might have butted heads in the past, but we're all friends, right?” Dean said with a sheepish smile on his lips. It's obvious he would have never come if it wasn't for Pam. Still, Cas appreciated the gesture.

“I'm glad you came. I'm sure Jimmy will be happy to see you.”

Cas unlocked the door and pushed it open, inviting them inside.

Jimmy was in bed, staring blankly at the tv, when Castiel opened the door to his room.

“Hi, it's me. You awake?”

Jimmy groaned, not bothering to turn his head his brother's way, too tired to move. Besides, his head hurt and he couldn't see too well. Hell, he has been staring at the tv, not even sure of whatever was on. And the volume was on the lowest level as well.

“Come in, guys.”

That surely grabbed Jimmy's attention. He turned his head on the pillow, cursing the pain, and watched Dean and Pamela entering his room. Well, he likes Pam, he always did...and he tolerated Dean, but...he wants to ask why they're here but knowing it would sound rude, he tried his best to smile at them, putting past grudges behind his back.

“Damn, Jim, you look like shit.” Pam joked, approaching his bed, bending to leave a little kiss on his cheek. “Why didn't you say you were sick? Now i feel like a terrible friend.”

“Didn't...d-didn't want anyone to feel sorry for me.” He forced the words out, breathing heavily because of the effort. “Sorry.”

“You better be sorry, jackass.” The woman smiled sadly, playfully ruffling his hair. “You need a haircut. And some heavy shaving.”

“What's the point...” Jimmy coughed. “Hello, Dean.” He said later.

“Hey man. So...why aren't you in the hospital?” 

“Like i said..what..w-what's the point...ugh.”

“Jimmy's tired, maybe we should let him get some sleep.” Cas chimed in. “You can stay for dinner if you want.”

“Nah, thanks for the invitation, Cassie. We don't want to be a bother. Besides, Dean here has to go pick up his little brother from the station.”

“Yeah.” Dean shrugged, trying not to stare at Jimmy. The older twin looked like death, it was very unsettling. “Sammy was supposed to have arrived before Valentine's day...but he had nerd stuff to do...whatever.”

“I see. Well..feel free to drop by anytime you want.” Cas smiled a little. “I'll take you to the door.”

“You stay with your brother, we know the way. Come on, Deano, let's go.”

“See you later, Cas.” Dean smiled at him, same sheepish smile from before.

“Thank you for coming, guys. Means a lot.”

 

“You want to sell the Ferrari to pay for your boyfriend's brother treatments? Treatments that didn't work?” Demian asked, curious as ever. He had been out of the loop but when he noticed the blond was a little bit too distracted, more than he himself usually is, he had to pry, had to ask what was going on.

“We knew the risks.” Luke simply said. “I spent a good part of my life fixing that car...who knew it would end up being sold for a good cause, huh?”

“You're joking, right?” Demian squinted. “I mean...that's great, wanting to help your brother-in-law and all, but...”

“But?”

“He's not even family, are you sure-”

“I'll have to stop you right there.” Lucifer's voice had adopted a dangerous tone and even Demian had to take a step back, just in case the blond felt like punching him or tossing something at him or whatever. “Jimmy is family, he has always been, from the very goddamn start.”

“What's that supposed to mean?” Demian asked, more confused than scared this time. “Huh, wait a sec, are you...”

“I'm what? Careful...”

“Are you...oh my good God! You're fuc-...you're dating twins?! Two gorgeous twins for the price of one? My man, gimme five...”

“What the fuck's wrong with you?!” No, the blond didn't care Demian knew he was dating two twins instead of one, but he sure won't let him talk like that about them. “Jimmy's dying!”

“What...hey. Sorry, got carried away.” Demian bit his lip, rubbing his nape. “Sorry, man.”

“Go home. I'm closing the shop for the rest of the day.”

“You sure? It's not even four yet.”

“I'm not in the mood. Just go home, Demian.”

“Yeah, okay. Sorry, i...i'm really sorry.” Demian knows he's a bit of a jerk sometimes ...but this time even he has to admit he might have exceeded himself a little.

 

When Luke got home, he saw Pam and her boyfriend leaving the twins' house. They didn't see him and he didn't bother calling out to them either. Too worried to play nice.

The blond went inside and immediately made his way to Jimmy's room. He wasn't surprised Cas was there.

“Luke. You're home early.” Cas stated.

“So are you.” The blond replied, giving him a kiss and then leaning to kiss Jimmy as well. “How are we doing today?”

“I'm tired.” Was Jimmy's answer.

“I was thinking...movie night. Dinner in bed?” Luke said, laughing a little, trying to lift the tension in the room, hoping it would somehow cheer up Jimmy as well.

“That would be nice.” Cas said. “Jimmy can pick the movie.”

“My eyes hurt.” Jimmy growled.

“Uh, okay, i...”

But since Jimmy didn't want his brother to get sad... “If you raise the volume, i can still listen to it. It's okay. I...i-i think i'd like that.”

Cas smiled widely and softly caressed his brother's cheek. “Great, want to pick the movie?”

Jimmy leaned into the touch, sighing. “Pick whatever you want.”

 

They ended up watching Love Actually and eating soup in bed. 

Jimmy had watched it a few times before, he remembers the scenes...and he even tried eating the soup Castiel made for dinner.

He threw up but neither Luke or Cas seemed to mind. Cas had cleaned up the mess and reassured his brother that it was okay, that he could keep watching the movie.

Jamie was about to declare his undying love for Aurélia in the movie, when Jimmy squirmed a little, clinging to whoever was close, which so happened to be Luke.

“You okay, Jimmy?” Luke asked, gazing down at the older twin, craddling his chin in his palm.

He shook his head in response, sighing against the blond's chest. “I-i think...i'd like to sleep now.” He said, his voice but a whisper. Of course this piqued Cas' attention as well. The younger twin sat up and softly ran a warm hand up his brother's back.

“What's up?”

“Jimmy's tired, he wants to...he wants to sleep, Cas.”

And by the way he said that, Cas could tell something was wrong. Jimmy wasn't just tired. He was _tired_.

“But...” Cas sobbed, chewing on his bottom lip. “He has to see the movie. Jimmy, you can't miss your favorite part, you can't...”

“Castiel.” Luke started. “Turn the tv off.”

“Luke, no!...We have to see the movie!”

“Turn it off, and come lie down with us.”

Cas eventually obeyed and reached for the remote on the nightstand, pressing the red button to turn the tv off. He then turned around and made sure to tug the blankets over him and Jimmy. His brother was cold and it seeped through his clothes, but he didn't mind. He hugged Jimmy from behind and rested his chin on his shoulder, his eyes meeting Luke's across the bed, watching as he, too, made himself comfortable and carefully held Jimmy in his arms.

“We'll watch the rest tomorrow. Right, Jimmy?” Jimmy's response to his brother was a low groan as he shivered, clinging a little more to the blond. “Yeah, we will.”

Next morning, both Lucifer and Castiel woke up about the same time...and when they noticed Jimmy was lying very still, Luke frowned and swallowed around the lump in his throat, gingerly shaking him by the shoulder.

“Oh God...is he...Luke, is he?”

Bile rose into his throat as he tried shaking the older twin again. “Jimmy? Jimmy!!”

No response. 

Both men gasped at the way Jimmy's lifeless body slumped against the matress and Castiel was shaking so hard, he almost passed out. Luke seemed to be in shock as well, but his rational side immediately had him reaching for his phone to call an Ambulance.

It was of no use, of course. 

According to the medics, Jimmy had died a few hours ago, probably in his sleep.

Castiel cried against his brother's body, refusing to let the medics take him away and Luke had to intervene. Had to let those man do their job.

It was horrible but there were things to be taken care of...and since Castiel was in no condition of doing anything, the blond had to step in.

 

The funeral took place a few days later. 

Ellen had arrived the day before and the woman couldn't stop feeling guilty for not being able to travel any sooner. Luke met her, introducing himself as Cas' boyfriend and Jimmy's...well, Jimmy's friend, and they had hugged. He later watched as she remained close to Castiel during the entire ceremony, hugging him, kissing his cheek and forehead. Same way a mother would do.

Then again, the woman had looked after the twins after their parents died, she's like a mother figure to them.

And though they were at Jimmy's funeral, it all still felt too damn surreal. Like he'd wake up the next day and Jimmy would still be there, complaining about Cas' cooking and mess.

How are they supposed to move on with their lives if he's not there anymore?

And how...how can he look into Castiel's eyes and _not_ see Jimmy looking back at him?

He's screwed.


	8. Chapter 8

Ellen stayed for a little while and Luke didn't mind, he actually wanted her to stay so she can help her foster son anyway she can. Castiel has been...he has not been himself since Jimmy's death and though both have different ways of mourning, the blond knows it's much harder for his boyfriend. Cas and Jimmy had shared a womb, they were best friends and they went through a lot since their parents' death. Besides each other, they didn't have any family left. None they know of, at least. 

The Harvelles were their family now.

Luke tried talking to Castiel every now and then, tried to take him out of the house so he could get some sun on his pale skin and breathe fresh air...but the youngest twin wouldn't have any of it. He always refused. He didn't want to go anywhere and he didn't want to talk to anyone, he just...he just wanted to lie down in bed and sleep all day.

And when he said he wished he could sleep forever, both Ellen and Lucifer immediately worried he might try to attempt against his own life. They would often check his arms for cuts and they would make sure no pills were missing.

No, Cas never tried anything...though the blond knows he wishes he was brave enough to do so.

But Castiel wasn't the only one having it rough, mind you. Luke tried to show his boyfriend his support, tried to do anything in his power to make Cas snap out of it and go back to living his life...but he, too, was suffering.

Because everytime he looks into Cas' eyes, he sees Jimmy.

And how are you supposed to let go when the one person you care the most in the world looks exactly like the one person you used to care about as well?

Lucifer loves Castiel...but sometimes...sometimes it's just too hard. Life sure pranked them good.

In a way, the blond is relieved Jimmy is resting now. And if there's a Heaven, then he's sure that's where he is. 

But he misses him. So damn much.

Ellen had to leave eventually though Luke can tell she wished she didn't have to go. If it wasn't for some incident back at the Roadhouse she owns, he's sure she would have stayed for a couple more weeks. Cas might be eating again and he has actually gained some color in his cheeks, but he's still not back to his old self.

And he will never be, will he?

The blond has experienced loss before...but he supposes losing a twin brother must be the worst thing than can ever happen to someone. The bond they share, their identical faces...

After Ellen left, Luke found towels draped over every mirror in the house and though at first he didn't get why, he was suddenly struck with the realization...everytime Castiel looked into the mirror, he saw his brother staring back at him.

Same way he sees Jimmy staring back at him whenever he looks at Castiel.

How are they going to make their relationship work?

 

A week later, Luke comes home early to find Cas outside, sitting on the porch, blanket wrapped around his body. It's a little cold outside but not as cold as it has been lately.

Smiling, the blond walks to where his boyfriend is sitting and flops down next to him.

“Hey.” Luke greeted, looking at him.

“Hey...” Came Cas' reply, barely a whisper, not even bothering to meet his boyfriend's gaze. “You're home early.” He stated, gaze wandering to an old lady with a dog crossing the street.

“Yeah, business' been kinda slow.” Luke sighed, rubbing his nape. “Your...friend's brother has been a magnet for clients at Bobby's shop. Unfair competition, i'd say.” He snorted.

“Dean's brother...Sam.”

“That one...with the...hair, yep.”

Cas remained silent after that. Still, hearing him speak counts as positive progress, the blond thinks.

“You look a lot better today, i mean...at least you're out of the house.” Though the door's only a couple feet away. Progress!

“Big deal.” The youngest snorted.

“It is, it's a big deal, i-”

“Luke?” Cas turned his head, finally meeting the blond's gaze. “Why are you still here?”

And Lucifer knew the true meaning behind those words, he did, but he still pretended he didn't when he replied with a soft “What do you mean?”

“You can't stand looking at me.” He said in an accusing tone. “And i get, i...i can't stand looking at me either.”

Luke's heart sank a little and he took a deep breath, gingerly reaching for the other man's shoulder. And when he saw Cas flinching and recoiling from his touch, the blond bit on his lip, sighing, as he dropped his hand. “You'll eventually get over it, Cas. I know you don't like hearing it, but...that's just how it goes.”

“I can't!” The youngest yelled, drawing unwanted attentions from a couple girls who were walking down the curb.

“Come on, Cassie, why don't we go inside? It's getting a bit chilly.” He suggested as he stood up.”Did you eat anything yet? I can-”

“Stop that, i hate it when you get all condescending with me!” Cas stood as well, gripping the blanket around his body. “You don't have to stay just because you feel sorry for me, you wanna leave, leave!”

“Goddamit, Cas, i don't want to leave. I love you. I want to take care of you because i love you, i want you to have your old life back, have fun, go to work-”

“Why thank you Madre Teresa. Fuck you and your altruism! I ...” He was sobbing, hot tears streaming down his face.”...i don't want to be taken care of, i...i just want Jimmy.”

They always go back to the same when they fight. Cas saying he wants Jimmy back, Luke telling he wishes he could bring him back, ending in both of them cuddling in bed while he tries to calm down the dark haired man.

“I...” Cas sniffled, watery blue eyes locking on pale blue. “Sorry, that was...i'm sorry.

“You're a pain in my ass, you know?” Luke started, no hints of anger in his voice. “Let's go inside, baby, come on.” And when he opened his arms, Cas nodded and slowly fit into his boyfriend's embrace, letting him lead him back into the house.

 

Of course the peace didn't last.

Becky would call Luke every now and then after he gave her his number, mostly to check on Castiel. He hasn't been to the store since his brother's death and though Becky can be very comprehensive, she still needs someone to look after the store when she has to leave on errands.

Tonight she called again.

Luke left Cas in the kitchen while he took the call in the living room, not wanting to further upset his boyfriend in case he hears something he doesn't like.

“He's still the same, Becky...i am afraid you'll have to look for someone else. Cas is...he is in no condition of looking after himself let alone look after a store. I think it's too soon for him to commit to such responsiblity.”

“Oooh...no, it's okay, i understand.”

“Yeah. Thanks.”

“Finding someone else will be hard but i'll try. Tell Cas i said hi!”

“I will, see you around, Becky.”

Luke hung up and when he turned around, he saw his boyfriend standing in the doorway. Well, shit.

“How...how long have you been standing there?”

Cas shrugged. “ Much before you said i'm a looser.”

“What, i didn't...” Luke groaned. “Let's not fight again. Becky wasn't going to wait forever, you know that.”

“I know, i wasn't planning on going back either.”

“Is that so?” Hands in his hips, Luke glared at the other man. “What would happen if i took your offer about leaving, huh? How would you pay the rent? Your bills? How would you eat? Tell me, Cas, how the hell would you even manage?”

“You think i want you around to pay for my crap?” Cas was pissed, beyond angry at this point. Both of them were. “Jimmy and i had a life before you moved in. We were doing just fine!”

“Jimmy's dead, dammit!”

Cas flinched at that...and even though Luke saw it, he wasn't going to keep it all inside this time. He needed to vent. Really bad.

“Jimmy's dead, he's never coming back...and yes, it's hard looking at you because you're identical, but i love you. That's why i'm willing to put up with your whiny ass and pay for everything while you take your time to get back on your feet.”

“I don't need you.” Cas spat before he could stop himself.

Of course he needs him. But he's sad, angry, depressed...he'll say anything to hurt the other man. Because he wants to see him hurting as much as he is.

“I know you enough to know you don't mean that.”

“Fine...fine! You want me to go back to my old self, right?”

Luke nodded. “More than anything.”

“I'm going out.” He said, dropping the blanket over his arms onto the floor. 

“Wait...out? Where?”

“That's none of your goddamn business.” Cas kicked the blanket out of the way and made a bee line for his room.”And you're not coming with me!”

Luke honestly didn't know whether to feel happy or extremely scared that Cas' actually going out.

“Alright!” The blond joined his boyfriend in his room a moment later. “Only if you promise not to do anything stupid. Been a while since you left the house after all.” And he worries, why can't Cas accept that?

“I'll do whatever the hell i want. And don't even bother calling.” The youngest bluntly said as he grabbed a shirt and a pair of jeans from his closet. “I won't answer.”

“You're being a brat.”

“Yeah, i'll go be a brat somewhere else. You should be happy. Won't have to put up with my _whiny ass_ for a few hours.” Wearing the shirt and jeans he picked, he turned to glance over to the blond. “Go wild.”

“Castiel.” Luke warned, not liking the other man's sudden sass one bit. “Tell your friends to go with you, i'll feel a lot better knowing you're in good company.”

“Whatever.”

“I'm serious.”

“I know. _Whatever_.”

 

Castiel took a cab and told the driver to take him to this particular bar in the outskirts. An old gay bar that has been threatening to close since the new one opened but a year ago. Cas used to go there a lot when he was still dating Crowley...and though the place's a dump, he knows he'll most likely not find any familiar faces in there since they all seem to prefer the new establishment just downtown.

Or so he thinks.

After a ten minute drive, Cas paid the driver and then pushed the door open so he could climb out of the vehicle.

The place hadn't changed one bit, he noticed.

There were a few Harley-Davidson outside and he grinned. Someone inside would have what he needs right now. Because sometimes stereotypes aren't just stereotypes. Someone in the bar will be selling drugs, if not outside.

Not spotting anyone outside but a couple girls making out, he shrugs and makes his way inside.

It wasn't crowded, not like a regular night at the new bar, but Cas doesn't really care. He feels curious eyes sizing him up and he smirks, purposedly swaying his hips on his way to the counter. The guy behind the counter isn't the same and he winks an eye at Castiel before asking him what he's having.

“That...blue thing that guy's drinking.” Cas said, tilting his head to a bulky guy sitting on a stool on the far end of the counter.

“Sure thing, cutie!” The bartender grinned. “One Blue Hawaii coming out.”

And while the guy prepared his drink, Cas let his eyes roam the place. A few older men wearing black leather jackets; the biker owners, he assumed; were sitting in a corner, drinking and chatting, while a few girls danced to the music coming out of the old jukebox in the corner.

He did spot a tall man looking his way. He looked...nice. Not his type, but still nice. He had broad shoulders, big hands...hands that seemed to be trembling a little.

Cas shook his head, looking away from the handsome stranger to the bartender. He didn't come to this place to cheat on Luke...even if things are shaky between them. Right?

He made a mistake when he slept with Crowley...and though Luke had been the total opposite of Jimmy, he's sure the blond wouldn't forgive him a second time.

Then again...why does he still care?

Their relationship has reached a dead end, what's there to save? He doesn't want the pity looks Luke gives him, doesn't want the other man to baby him...he...he wants him to be happy. And Cas knows he's not happy. Far from it. Even if Lucifer will deny it to the death, even he has to know, deep down, that they're done for. It's over.

“Here's your drink, honey.” The bartender's voice had him snapping back to reality and he smiled at him as he reached for the glass, noticing the little blue umbrella inside. “Enjoy.”

“Thank you.”

He took small sips, trying to get used to the taste, when, out of the corner of his eye, he saw the guy that had been staring at him before, walking his way.

“Hey.” The guy said, taking the empty stool next to Castiel. “I saw the way you were looking at me...wanna get out of here?”

Gee, the man sure liked going straight to the point. And they didn't even know each other's names yet.

“Hm...i could be convinced, i don't know.” Cas replied, taking another sip.

“Playing hard to get...okay, i like that. Name's Ion by the way.”

“Ion?” Cas snickered. “What kind of name is that?”

Ion shrugged, laughing a little. “My parents were high.”

“Uh-huh...”

“Gonna give me your name?”

“It's...Cas.”

“Cas as in...what, Cassie? Isn't that a girl's name?”

Rolling his eyes, Cas finished his drink and left the empty glass on the counter, reaching inside his pocket for a ten dollar bill, leaving it next to the glass a second later. “Let's cut the crap. Have something for me?”

“Like what?”

“Weed, coke...whatever. You look the type.”

Ion got nervous all of a sudden, looking around the bar, looking at everywhere but Castiel.

“Come on, man, i have money.”

“Okay...okay. Let's...let's go outside.”

Castiel followed Ion outside, into a narrow dark alley, and stopped where the post light still reached the walls. “So, what do you have?”

Ion had two small bags of weed to sell. Apparently it was all he had left since he had sold all the coke to the bikers.

Beggars can't be choosers, he mused. Cas was about to pay for the weed, when someone walked in on them.

“Cas...that you? The hell are you doing?”

Turning around, Castiel's eyes widened in surprise at the sight of a very perplexed Dean Winchester.


	9. Chapter 9

Castiel is streched out across the Impala's backseat, naked from the waist below, his shirt opened and exposing that inviting pale, creamy skin, while Dean's draped over him, grunting and cursing as he fucks into the twin with gusto.

And Cas feels guilty, he does, but Dean's cock nailing his prostate with every thrust has him writhing and moaning in pleasure instead, pushing any guilty thoughts he might have, into the back of his mind.

He doesn't let the Winchester kiss him for some strange reason, though he did not complain when the green eyed man offered to eat him out.

  
_Twenty minutes ago_  


  
  
“Just who the hell you think you are, Dean?” Castiel began, walking away from the drug dealer, hugging himself because it was starting to get a bit chilly outside. “If i want to smoke something, that's surely none of your goddamn business.”

Dean caught up to him and started walking beside the twin. “Shouldn't you be home with your boyfriend? I mean...your brother-”

Cas shook his head, anger boiling whitin him.“Don't you dare talk about Jimmy, Dean, i will punch you in the fucking face!”

“Sorry! I just...” Dean wanted to say Jimmy's death was still too recent and that getting high is definitely not the smartest way of dealing with it. Yeah, he might have heard a thing or two about Cas and Crowley's peculiar relationship before. “Fine.”

“And what are you doing here anyway?” Cas stopped, turning his gaze to the oldest Winchester, giving him an inquisitive look. “Shouldn't you be with Pamela?” He teased, using Dean's words against him. “You know where you are, right?”

“Things didn't work out.” Dean shrugged. 

“I see.” Cas shrugged too, feeling sorry for Pam instead, even if he doesn't know what happened between the two of them. “Came here to unwind? Guess what, so did i. Until you got in the middle and went all freaking...mother-hen on me!”

“I wasn't kidding when i asked for your friendship, Cas!” Dean huffed. God, Cas was such a little prick. “I know i was a douche back then, but i tried to mend things because-”

“Because you are still delusional about getting in my pants.”

“No!”

“Really. What if...” Cas frowned, seeming to consider something.

“What?” And Dean had to admit the guy was making him nervous.

“What if i offered? Would you fuck me, Dean?”

“I...” Dean gulped, looking away...and when he looked back at Cas, the guy was walking towards him. “You have a boyfriend.”

“A boyfriend you hate...and i am offering, so...” Smirking, Cas ran a hand up Dean's chest. “Would you be the righteous man and send me on my way or...”

“...or?”

“Or would you be the real demon we both know you are and fuck me in the backseat of your car?”

“Cas, come on man, don't play with me like this. I might-”

“Might take up on my offer?” Castiel smirked.

“I can't, it's not...”

“I see.” Cas snorted, dropping his hand. “I'll go find Ion then.”

But before he could walk away, Dean was reaching out a hand to grab his arm.

  
_Now_

 

“Fuck, Cas, i'm close...” Dean panted, whispering hoarsely against the other man's ear, as he pistoned his hips, slamming harder into Cas now that he was close, the heat coiled in his gut threatening to burst any moment now. “Inside?”

Cas shook his head no, his body trembling beneath Dean's. The Winchester might be close, but Cas was nowhere near his own climax. “Out.”

Groaning, Dean thrust into Cas a couple more times before he pulled out and wrapped a hand around his own throbbing cock, shooting his load all over the other man's stomach. “Fuuuck, fuck...fucking..”

Dean's O face was hilarious, Cas thought. He might have laughed at him.

The Winchester succumbed to his orgasm as he leaned back and closed his eyes, allowing himself a few moments to come down from his high. 

Castiel sat up, using the shirt Dean discarded before to clean the come off his skin, and then he tossed the dirty piece of clothing at him. “Thank you, Dean...that was...anyway, glad to finally confirm i wasn't really missing anything special.”

...what?

Dean seemed confused. He looked between the other man's legs and noticed he was still hard. Well, half hard and on the way of going down, but...”You didn't come.”

Castiel didn't even bother answering at first as he put his pants on and reached for the door handle to push it open. “I was...close at some point.” He said, shrugging his shoulders. “It was fun though. I'll see you around, Dean.”

And then he was gone.

“The fuck just happened?” Though Dean felt incredibly sated and maybe a little euphoric... he also had the feeling Cas has just used him and tossed him away like he's some old, broken vibrator.

He wasn't the douche here, never was, Dean mused.

Castiel was.

Still, he's man enough to admit he'll jerk off to the memories of fucking Cas in the backseat of his car for the rest of his life. Yep.

 

Meanwhile, Lucifer had left the house to go unwind at some nearby bar.

He avoided going to the bar where he met Castiel almost two years ago, knowing he'd find all of the familiar faces there. Even old crushes. And he wasn't really in the mood to deal with close friends or old crushes at the moment.

And the moment he stepped inside the drinking establishment, he immediately spotted a familiar figure sitting by the counter, nursing a glass of...whatever that was. It was green.

Snorting, the blond walked to the counter as well, taking a seat right next to the guy. “We meet at last.” He started, gazing at his 'new' friend. “Sam Winchester, right?”

The boy looked startled, Luke probably interrupted him when he was in deep thoughts, but he quickly composed himself nonetheless. “Uh, yes? You're...wait, i know you. You own Raphael's shop, right? Shurley?”

Lucifer nodded with a little smirk. “The very one. You can call me Luke.” He said, offering a hand for a shake.

Which Sam took and shook right away. “Sam. But...you already know that.” He chuckled, dropping his hand. “Sooo...we're rivals. Should we argue about whom gets the more clients since our aqcuaintances own the only two auto shops in town or something?”

Luke's turn to laugh. “Maybe. A few clients of mine never showed up again...and a little bird told me they were getting their cars fixed at Singer's shop.”

Sam smirked, tucking a lock of hair behind his ear. “And by little bird you mean...the creepy guy that works with you and sometimes spies on us?”

The blond rolled his eyes at that. Goddamn Demian, couldn't he be more discreet? “I don't know what you're talking about.” Luke snickered, making Sam laugh as well.

“Right. May i...buy you a drink?” Sam offered and Luke sure didn't dismiss the way the boy bit on his lower lip. 

“Are you flirting with me, Winchester?” Luke teased, raising a brow.

“No, i...it's just a drink. Consider it a...peace offering. Yes!”

“Uh-huh...” Sam was really easy in the eyes, Lucifer thought. He was tall and the tight, snug white shirt he wore beneath his flannel jacket sure left nothing to the imagination. “Okay. No colorful drinks, though.” He teased.

“Deal!” Sam turned on his seat and waved the bartender over

It was just a drink, right? He wasn't going to cheat on Castiel. Just a drink with a friend. Well, a new friend. A really, _really_ good looking friend...

 

Lucifer and Sam spent a couple hours just chatting and laughing at each other's stories, when the taller man felt his phone buzzing in his pocket. “It's her again...” Sam moaned, checking the name on the screen.

“Give the poor girl a chance, Samuel!” Luke laughed, using Sam's full name to tease him even more. “Becky's a nice girl.”

“Yeah, i bet...it's just...”Sam shrugged, turning off his phone and slipping it back into his pocket. “I'm not interested.” Oh, and the intense look he gave Lucifer in that moment...

 _Oh_ alright.

Sam was flirting with him. Big time. Not even hiding his intentions now...was he? Of course the few drinks they shared might have helped.

“I should go.” Lucifer blurted out, straightening in his seat when he realized he might have been leaning a little way too close to the other man.

“Okay. Yeah, we should do this again sometime.” Sam smiled, trying to hide his disappointment. “If you want. I could...give you my number?”

The blond seemed to consider this. “Sure, i see no harm on that.”

They changed numbers then, and after another shake of hands, Lucifer left the bar and went straight home. He was feeling terribly guilty as he walked down the curb, hands inside his pockets. Not once he had thought about Castiel while he was with Sam...and that wasn't good, was it?

Still, it was very late in the night and he wondered if Castiel had gotten home yet.

 

Lucifer arrived home a few minutes later and he could see that the lights were on in the living room. Gently closing the door and then locking it, the blond tossed the keys into the shelf and walked down the corridor towards the living room.

Castiel was lying down on the couch with nothing but a thin blanket covering him from the cold. The tv was on but he wasn't paying any attention to it. His hair was damp so Luke could tell he had taken a shower not so long ago. He also noticed he had his eyes closed and was hugging an old framed picture of him and his twin brother when they were kids.

Luke's heart broke at the sight and he walked inside, grabbing the remote to turn the tv off.

“Cas?”

The twin squeezed his eyes harder, clinging to the framed photo for dear life.

“Come on, baby, gotta get up. Want me to carry you to bed?” He teased.

“Go away. M'not...m'not your baby.”

“Rough night?” The blond knelt beside him, reaching out a hand to run his fingers through his boyfriend's wet hair. “What happened?”

“It's all your fault.” Cas said, opening his eyes, staring right into Lucifer's blue ones. “You wanted me to go out.”

“I'm not sure i understand...”The blond squinted, not sure if he wants to hear about whatever his boyfriend might have done on his night out.

“Gave you the perfect excuse to leave.” The twin sat up on the couch, placing the picture on his lap. 

“...Cas? What are you saying?”

“I ...i let Dean Winchester fuck me.” He sighed, lowering his gaze, hiding his watery eyes from the other man. “There. Nothing's keeping you here anymore, you can go.”

Lucifer didn't know what to say. He was taken aback by the revelation, shocked by Castiel's bluntness...he was...well, heartbroken might be a soft word to describe what he's feeling right now. And here he was feeling guilty for spending hours with Sam at the bar.

“Tell me that's not true.” Lucifer blinked, feeling numb, absently bringing a hand up to lift his boyfriend's chin. “Castiel, tell me that's not true!”

“It is!” He shouted, fresh tears rolling down his cheeks.

“Why...why the fuck would you do that?!” Luke got up, fighting the urge of grabbing Cas by the shoulders and shake him until he understands that he loves him. That he is not a charity project, he is the love of his life! He ran a hand through his hair instead.

“It's the only way.” Cas ended up muttering. “Just...go. I'm not good enough. I'll be fine. I'll have Jimmy.” He said, hugging the frame close to his chest.

“Cas...” He might be angry, he might want to punch something, someone...but he also knew Castiel was stil suffering a great deal with the loss of his brother. Still, that wasn't an excuse to go and betray one of the few persons that actually love him. “Jimmy...he's not coming back, you know that, don't you?”

“I'll be fine. We'll be fine.”

And then he lied back down on the couch, pulling the blanket to cover him up.

Castiel needed help. He's not okay, is he? No, he's not. Far from it. Luke should call Ellen later and let her know that her foster son is not doing very well. Perhaps he should see a shrink. Could be good for him.

“Castiel.”

“Just go.”

“I took care of you. Took care of Jimmy. Hell, i even...sold my car to help pay for Jimmy's treatment...i deserve better than this.”

“Yes.” Cas agreed, closing his eyes. “That's why you need to go.”

“Alright.” Sighing in defeat, the blond walked out of the living room and went straight to the room he shares with Castiel. The room the three of them used to share. He retrieved his bag from under the bed and then placed it over the bed, opening it. “Fuck. Fuck this.”

He went to the closet and opened the doors.

 

Half an hour later, he finished packing and fished his phone out of his pocket to give Gabriel a call. With some luck, his former roommate still had an available room for him at the house they used to share. Last time they talked, the man had thrown a little tantrum, mostly for show, though Luke knew better. Gabe was happy to see him go mostly because he could party all he wants and not be scolded about it.

“Gabe, hey, it's Luke, i-”

“Who is this again?” A female voice answered Gabriel's phone and the blond rolled his eyes. Typical. The man was probably in the middle of an orgy or...or something! Though the voice sounded kind of familiar now that he thinks about it. Was that...

Kali?” What, wasn't she marrying her Personal Trainer? “Uh...is Gabriel there?”

“Yeah, just a sec. GABE, SOME GUY CALLED LUKE IS ON THE PHONE!” Kali yelled.

Gabe yelled back. “WHAT, THAT BITCH DIDN'T...!”

Gabriel came to the phone and cheerfully greeted Lucifer. “Well well, if it isn't my former friend. Luci _Great Big Bag of Dicks_ Shurley! Do you know what time is this?”

“Now that's new.” Lucifer huffed. “I'm not...even going to ask about Kali-”

“She realized she loves me. See? Told ya! Told ya she'd come back to me.”

“Uh-huh...whatever. Look, i was wondering if i could move back in?”

“What? Weren't you living happily ever after with your boyfriend?”

“We...broke up. And i need a place to crash. If my room's occupied, i don't mind sleeping on the couch. Just until i find a place to live.”

“Uuuuh...!”

“Gabe.”

“Fineeee, yeah, i never rented your room. You can come back. Dick.”

“Thanks. I'll be there in twenty.”

“Kay. See you later, Luci Liu.”

 

The blond wished he didn't have to go. But Cas wanted him gone. Wanted him gone so bad, he went and fucked Dean. Goddamn Dean Winchester. Just his luck he and Sam had to be brothers. Will make things awkward if he and Sam decide to see each other on a daily basis. Even if it's just as friends.

Luke closed the bedroom door behind him, and walked down the corridor, stopping by the living room's doorway. Cas hadn't moved...but he didn't look like he was sleeping either. No, definitely not sleeping. He was crying.

Damn it all.

He can't feel sorry for him. Not after what he did, he can't.

Even if the urge to go and comfort him is still there, he can't do it.

“I'm leaving, Cas. For whatever's worth...know that...know that i'll always love you and Jimmy.”

He heard Cas sobbing and he sighed. “Okay. Take care of yourself.”

And then Lucifer was gone. For good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update! Hope you liked this chapter.


	10. Chapter 10

Lucifer moved back to Gabriel's place that same night but he only gave Ellen a call the day after because he didn't want to wake her up the night before. It was pretty late after all. 

Around eight in the morning, he finally called to let the woman know what was going on with Castiel and of course he also had to tell her everything that happened between him and Cas. Might as well give her all the details so she can help her foster son the best way she can.

“And that's it.” Lucifer sighed as he got up from the couch to go to his room, ignoring the curious looks Gabriel was giving him from where he was sitting in front of the tv. “He's not doing very well, Ellen. I suggest you get him help or...i don't know, take him back home maybe?”  
“That boy's as stubborn as a mule, Luke, but i'll see what i can do. Unfortunately, i won't be able to travel anytime soon.”

Luke wanted to ask why but he didn't want to pry either, knowing Ellen must have her reasons. “I...i see.”

“Now listen, i know what Castiel did to you was wrong, but i am going to need you to keep an eye on him until i get there, alright?” The concern in Ellen's tone was still there but she sure sounded dead serious about her request. She was asking him to look after her son, not his friends. After everything he told her, she still trusted him to look after Cas. “Hell, i shouldn't even be asking this of you, but...”

“It's okay, Ellen.”Luke interrupted. “I'll do it.”

“You sure?”

“Yes.” Was he? Cas might have hurt him a great deal but he didn't want anything bad to happen to him either. He's not that wicked. 

“That's a relief.”He heard the woman sighing on the other end, her voice becoming softer. “I'll try to travel there as soon as possible. Keep in touch, will you?”

“I will. Goodbye, Ellen. See you soon.”

Lucifer hung up the phone and when he turned around to leave his room, Gabriel was standing by the doorway, eating cereal directly from the box with a wooden spoon. Typical Gabriel. Huffing, the blond walked past him, bumping his right shoulder against the other's left on his way back into the living room. Gabriel followed him, of course, like a goddamn shadow.

“What was that all about?” Gabriel asked, eating another spoonful of dry cereal. “Guy breaks up with you and you call his mommy?”

“Why are you up so early anyway?” Luke snapped, turning left to go to the kitchen with Gabe in tow. “It's not like you have a job to get to.” He added later as he approached the coffee machine on the kitchen counter next to the fridge.

“Don't change the subject!” Gabriel squinted, pointing the wooden spoon at him.”I took you back, it's only fair you tell me everythying. Juicy details included.” He smirked.” You know me, i like to keep myself updated.”

“Forget it.“Luke replied, pouring himself a cup of coffee. “Not gonna give you any gossip material.”

Snorting, Gabriel shrugged. “I'll find out later anyway, just thought it would be cool to hear it straight from the source for once.” The shorter man winked. “Welp, have fun at work! Gonna cuddle with Kali some more.”

“Kali's still here?” Luke asked, turning around to meet his roomie's gaze. “How the hell did you pull that one out by the way? Last i heard, she was going to get married...”

“Ah-ah! No, nopety nope no!”

“...i..have no idea what you just said.”

“You want details about my love life, you gotta be the bigger man and share, bro.” Gabe snickered on his way out of the kitchen. “You know where to find me!” But just before he left, Gabriel quickly turned around and tossed the empty box of cereal at the blond. “Put that in the trash for me, will you? Kthxloveyou!”

Lucifer groaned and rolled his eyes as he picked up the box from the floor, mentally slapping himself for not going to a motel instead of coming back to Gabriel's place.

Seriously, why didn't he think of that?!

 

Castiel hadn't gotten a full night's sleep since the death of his twin, but whenever his body relaxed enough and allowed him a few minutes of rest, he'd wake up in the middle of the night, sobbing and sweating all over.

Last night it happened again.

Only this time, Luke wasn't there to hold him and tell him everything would be okay.

When morning came, Cas remained in bed, wide awake, not even bothering to get up when his stomach started complaining about the lack of food. Hell, he hadn't even bought any drugs and he felt like he was high.

And not in a good way.

Drugs would have turned off his brain for a while, would have allowed him to stop thinking about his brother..and...Lucifer's recent departure...but Dean had to be there, at the wrong place, at the wrong time, scarying Ion away.

Even if poor clueless Dean had become a means to an end anyway.

Cas needs drugs, he needs...he really needs to stop thinking.

And though his heart aches for betraying his boyfriend, ex-boyfriend best said, it was the only way. He didn't want Luke around when he started going back to old habits. Jimmy and Balthazar had put up with him when he was with Crowley...and he knows how difficult it had been for the both of them back then.

All in all, it's a good thing Balthazar is not around to watch as he slowly wastes his life away and hits rock bottom all over again.

Lucifer didn't need to watch that either.

Castiel eventually got up from bed, not because his body demanded food, but because he had left his phone in the living room the night before.

He had a missed call from Ellen and...no. That was it.

No missed calls or texts from Lucifer.

“You broke up with him, you moron, why would he even...” Groaning, he ignored the missed call from Ellen, and dialed a number he knew by memory.

After the fifht ring, a deep raspy voice greeted him.

“...Castiel?” To say the male on the other end sounded surprised, would be an understatement. 

“Hello, Crowley.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short but yep, wanted to post it anyway!


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update. Hope you like this chapter.

Luke got off work earlier with the sole purpose of checking on Castiel, but when he arrived at the Novaks' residence, no one was home. Clock marked five pm already and the blond had no idea where his ex boyfriend might be at this hour in the afternoon. He wasn't working and the bars he goes to aren't even open yet, he mused.

He decided he'd pass by in the morning.

Luke knows he's not welcome anymore, but as long as he gets to see Castiel and make sure he is doing okay...

He did promise Ellen he'd keep an eye on her son.  
Even if he is not doing it just because he promised her...

“Might as well go for a drink.” He muttered under his breath as he turned around and started walking away, sliding his hands inside his pockets. With some luck, he'd find Sam at the bar. It would be less awkward than calling him, he thinks. Too soon to give him a call. And Sam hasn't called him either yet, so...

Two grown ass men behaving like blushing teens, Luke sighs, releasing a faint laugh afterwards.

Yeah. Seems legit.

Then again, Luke wasn't looking to jump into another serious relationship anytime soon, not after what he had with Castiel and Jimmy, and he most certainly did not want to mislead the youngest Winchester either. 

Luke might be okay with one night stands though. Those are easy. There are no feelings involved, only two adults using each other to blow off some steam and that's it. 

And Luke sure needs to blow off some steam...needs it real bad.

 

“I would say i am surprised, but that would just be understatement of the year, wouldn't it now?.” Crowley snorted, waving the waitress over.

Castiel had asked Crowley to meet up with him at a diner and although the older man had been reluctant about meeting his ex boyfriend at first, especially after what happened last time, he couldn't deny he was curious about whatever Castiel might want from him.

“Just be quick, i have to pick up my daughter from day care.” Crowley added later, gracing the bored waitress with a smile. “Two specials. Beer.”

“I'm not hungry.” Castiel grumbled. “I'll just have the beer.”

“One special. Two beers.” The woman nodded. “Be right back.”

Crowley watched the waitress walk away, and then gazed back at his ex. “Are you sure you are not hungry? You look like you haven't eaten in a while, kitten.”

“I'm fine.” The other retorted.

But he wasn't, was he? That much was obvious. Jimmy's death had taken a toll on poor Castiel and he didn't seem to be able to cope with it. Didn't take a genius to notice that. Still, Crowley wasn't going to say anything about it. The older man sent his condolences via text when Jimmy died and hadn't gotten a reply in return, not that he was expecting one, mind you, but at least he had expressed his simpathy regarding his loss. It was something.

“Alright.” Crowley shrugged, leaning back in his seat.

“How's little Amara doing by the way?” Castiel asked after a brief silence. Not going straight to the point yet then, Crowley thought, lifting a brow. “You...you said you had to pick her up from, uh...day care?”

“Yes.” Crowley replied, furrowing his brows. “She is doing very well, thank you for asking. She'll be four next month and she won't shut up about this...birthday themed party...little pest is driving me crazy.”

“Oh?” Cas smiled for the first time he arrived to the diner. “What is the theme of the party?”

“Cats.” The oldest replied, rolling his eyes. “Last year she was obsessed with bunnies, this year it's bloody cats it seems.”

“Cats are nice.”

This awkward conversation wasn't, Crowley snorted. 

But before the man could ask Castiel what the real reason was behind his phone call and invitation to meet up, the youngest spoke again.

“You never told me...how you...how you turned out to be a father. I didn't even know you liked women.” And there it is. The question he had always wanted to ask. Cas had been a little jealous back then, when he learned about his ex's daughter, beating himself up over the fact Crowley had never loved him the same way he did, to the point of wanting to be together for real and start a little family of their own.

Of course that would have been a really stupid thing to do since they used to be high twenty four seven.

“Told you she was an accident.”

“And the best thing that has ever happened to you.” Castiel blinked, quoting him. “Bow how did that even come to happen in the first place?”  
The other man huffed.“Did you bring me here to delve into my past?” Crowley asked, lifting one of his brows, crossing his arms over his chest. “Does that blond bloke you have for a boyfriend even know you're here??”

“We broke up.” Castiel retorted. “I am not trying to make you uncomfortable...but i have always wanted to know. Please?”

“Did you now?” Now that sure piqued his curiosity. He'll have to ask about their break up later.”Just because you said please..and you've always begged so prettily.” Crowley teased, smirking. “And after i'm done telling you my little tale, will you be so kind to go straight to the point? I know you didn't call me because you missed me.”

Castiel grimaced, nodding.

“Alright then.” Might as well indulge the lad, he thought. “I met Amara's mother at this party...”

 

“You okay, Luke?” Sam asked, nursing a glass of gin, hazel green eyes searching icy blue. “You seem distracted...i'm not...i'm not boring you, am i?” He added later, letting out a nervous laugh.

“Sorry.” The blond gazed back at him, trying to smile a little. “Got lost in my own thoughts. Of course you're not boring me.”

“That's good. Because i was wondering...if you'd like to grab a bite, maybe catch a movie?” The youngest Winchester itched to go out and do something. Spending all day working at the auto shop and having to deal with his brother and his terrible jokes, was just too much. Sam can't wait for his forced sabbatical year to be over. He can't wait to go to law school.

“Sounds fun.” Luke straightened up in his seat, raised the glass of whisky to his lips, and drained the contents in one gulp. “Let's get going then.”

“Great.” Sam smiled widely, fishing a twenty out of his pocket to pay for their drinks.

“I can pay-”

“My treat.” Sam smirked. “But if you insist, you can always pay for dinner.”

“The dinner you just invited me to...oh, okay.” Luke chuckled, shaking his head.” Yeah, seems about right.”

They ended up eating hot dogs at some food trailer close to the theater. So much for fancy dinners! Neither of them seemed to mind though. They picked some random action movie to watch, midnight session, so they had to wait at least a couple hours until the clock marked said hour.

So they talked some more.

And Luke ended up confessing why he was in such a crappy mood lately.

“You can't be serious...Dean did what?!” Sam was shocked. And embarrassed. And feeling too damn self conscious for no reason. He hadn't done anything wrong, Dean had, but he couldn't help feel that way anyway. “God, i...i had no idea.”

“I'm not one hundred percent sure, but i don't think it was your brother's fault. Not entirely. Cas wanted...he wanted to push me away and he ended up using Dean's old crush on him to accomplish that.”

“Still, Dean should have known better.” Sam frowned, tossing the rest of his hot dog into the trash can nearby, having lost all appetite. “If...if Castiel's such a mess after his twin's death, he shouldn't have given into it, shouldn't have done it.”

“Yeah, well...” Luke shrugged. “What's done is done.”

“I'm really sorry for my brother, i'll have a talk wit-”

“No need to.” The blond interrupted, cutting him off with a wave of his hand. “Like i said, what's done is done. Cas doesn't want me back and that's final.”

“But...you love him, don't you?”

More than anything in the world, he thought, sighing sadly.

“I'll get over it. Eventually.” He replied, forcing a smile. “Sam...i don't want you to think i'm using you or anything...because i am starting to like you actually. You've become a friend to me in such a short period of time...and i don't want to ruin this. Whatever this is.”

“It's fine.” Sam grinned. “And i like you too...if that wasn't already obvious.” He laughed later, blushing a little. “Not in a rush either.”

He might like Sam but he senses Sam's feelings towards him aren't that innocent. Don't get your hopes high, Luke mentally told himself. No relationships, no, don't do that to yourself again. Not now.

 

“She overdosed a week later...and as soon as the DNA test came out, i did everything in my power to make sure the baby would stay with me.”

“That's...” Castiel didn't really know what to say. He wasn't expecting such a tragic story. Crowley had changed a great deal, hadn't he? Why couldn't he have changed when they were together? Not the time to reminisce, but it just can't be helped. “I'm sorry.”

“What for? The skank?” Crowley huffed, reaching for his beer. “She had it coming, kitten, no need to feel sorry for her.”

The youngest nodded, chest still tight.“You seem to be a good dad, i have to give you that at least.”

“Thank you, love.” The older man smiled, taking a sip. “That...actually means a lot coming from you. Huh.”

Cas smiled shyly and reached for his beer as well.

“Now...about the purpose of your call??”

Castiel flinched, his fingers tightening around the bottle of beer.  
He called Crowley in the hopes he'd get him drugs...but after hearing his story, he wasn't so sure anymore. Why put a good man through the same again? He couldn't do that. He'll just...have to find another way to buy drugs, won't he? Besides...he has the feeling Crowley would scold him if he told him about the real reason behind his call.

“Castiel...?”

“I have to go.” He blurted, standing up from his seat.

“What?” Crowley stood as well, pulling out of his wallet to pay for his meal and the beers. “Wait a minute, i'll just-...” But Cas had already bolted for the door. “Cas!”

 

The movie started fifteen minutes later and both Sam and Lucifer spent the entire time making fun of the commercials and upcoming trailers. Besides the two of them, the room was empty, and when the lights finally went out, the movie started. At last. Liam Neeson was in it, so...it was either about an alien threat or about someone kidnapping his daughter. Either way, someone was definitely getting their asses kicked.

Half an hour into the movie, Luke felt a hand over his. Startled, he turned his head to gaze at Sam and was greeted with a shy smile. Even in the dark, Sam's eyes seemed to shine so brightly. He wondered if his shone that way.

Probably not.

“Sam...what are you doing?”

The smile fell of his face right away.“Sorry, i...” The youngest tried pulling his hand away, but Luke didn't allow it, covering the other's hand with his own. “You were taking so long to put a move on me, i thought...i mean, there's no rush, but... _ok_ , i lied.” Sam laughed nervously. “I-i really want to kiss you. Want to kiss you real bad.”

 _Oh._  
 _Oh, Sam_. Luke shook his head, smiling nonetheless.  
Last time he made out during a movie, Castiel and Jimmy were with him. He should not allow those memories to haunt him forever, even if they were amazing ones...but there was nothing he could do about it.

But the look on Sam's face...how could he say no to him?

“Not here.” The blond said after a little while.

“Why not?” Sam asked, smirking some. “I actually thought it was romantic.” He teased, wiggling his brows.

“It is...i just...i'd rather have our first kiss somewhere else. If that's okay?”

Sam nodded.”Let's get out of here then. To be honest, i wasn't paying any attention to the movie.”

Lucifer chuckled. “Alright. Let's go.”

Both men stood up and walked out of the room. “Not gonna ask my place or mine...so, where would you like to go?”

“Right.” There's no way Luke would take Sam to Gabriel's...and he's not going to Sam's place either. What if he ended up punching Dean on the face??” Does a Motel sound okay?”

“A motel.” Sam squinted, looking amused. “For a first kiss?”

“The first of many, i hope.” 

 

Crowley never caught up to Cas and after trying to call him several times and getting no response, he gave up and went home. He was supposed to pick up his daughter from day care, but since his little chat with Castiel lasted longer than he expected, he texted a friend to pick her up for him instead.

He'll never find out why he called, will he?  
Maybe it's better that way.

 

As for Castiel, he didn't go home right away. He wandered the streets for hours, not even caring about the late hour. There was nothing waiting for him at home, no one. And everywhere he looked, he saw Jimmy. And sometimes Luke.

He was walking close to the movie theater when he thought of seeing someone familiar walking out of the building.

Luke, that was Luke, he realized. And he wasn't alone...

The blond was in the company of a very tall man with boyish features and long hair, and though Cas had never met Sam before, he knew it was him.

Why were they together? Wait, were they together... _together_??  
They were walking out a movie theater together...and it was late, so...

Oh God. They were on a date, weren't they?  
Castiel was about to hyperventilate when Sam looked his way and he had to hide quickly behind a lamp post.

“Huh.”

“What is it?” Luke asked, oblivious to his ex's presence.

“Nothing...i think?” Sam shrugged, smiling at the blond. “Nah, it's nothing. Let's go.”

“Just waiting for you, slowpoke.”

“Slowpoke? Dude!”

They walked away, laughing, and Cas moved out from his hideout, not even realizing he had tears streaming down his cheeks. 

Luke had moved on.  
It shouldn't hurt so much, but it did.

Then again, what did Castiel expect? He pushed him away, broke up with him...Luke had the right to move on.

...

Castiel didn't want him to move on.


	12. Chapter 12

It wasn't Lucifer's intention to sleep at the Motel with Sam...at all, and when he woke up around six in the morning the next day, he was a little confused about where he was.

And then he remembered.

It was his idea to bring Sam to the Motel in the first place. They kissed, both men taking their time to get used to each other, and when they were comfortable enough to move things to the next level, they did.

It felt weird. For Luke at least.  
Kissing someone else that wasn't Castiel... _or_ Jimmy.

He wasn't with Castiel anymore but he still felt like he was cheating on him. Didn't make any sense, did it now?  
Now Sam...Sam didn't seem to acknowledge his mood, and that was good. The youngest Winchester looked so eager, it was..adorable actually. Enticing.

And Luke should be aroused at the mere sight of the boy's dishevelled hair and chiseled bare chest, but when he realized he wasn't, guilt gnawed away at him.

Great.  
Can't get it up for Sam.

But Sam hadn't seemed worried about it, pampering his partner with little kisses and touches, reassuring him that they can try it again sometime.

That should have made Lucifer feel better, right?  
It didn't. Not really.

Why did he have to fall asleep? He should have gone home right away.  
Dammit.

The blond sneaked a peak at the sleeping form of Sam, and since he didn't look like he'd wake up anytime soon, he pushed the covers off of him and slowly made his way out of the bed.

“Idiot. You shouldn't have done this...”Lucifer muttered under his breath, mentally slapping himself for his stupidity, and walked towards the bathroom to splash cold water on his face. He really needed to go...even though he felt like a jerk for leaving Sam behind just like that.

The Winchester had been nothing but kind and comprehensive last night, and here he was, about to walk away on him.

Sam was way out of his league, that much he had realized since the beginning, and even though Lucifer wanted nothing but a fun one night stand, he couldn't do it. Hell, even his body had refused to cooperate. Sam shouldn't beg for crumbs. Sam deserved the whole cake.

And what a weird, fucked up analogy that was, Luke snorted, rolling his eyes at his reflection in the mirror.

 

An hour later found Castiel wide awake, in the kitchen, wearing Jimmy's beloved trench coat over the same clothes he was wearing last night. His whole body hurt and his eyes were so puffy and red from crying, he felt numb.

So numb, he didn't seem aware of anything anymore. Not even when he reached for the knife rack and pulled out the biggest one.

“What are you doing, Cas?” A voice similar to his said.

“W-who...” Castiel looked around but saw no one. He was alone in the kitchen, of course he was.  
“Fuck...”

“I asked... what are you doing?”

And that's when Jimmy's form materialized in front of a very startled Castiel.

“Jimmy?!” The youngest Novak twin fell on his ass from the scare and ended up dropping the knife, which slid under one of the many kitchen counters. “Y-you're...you're here? H-how?”

Jimmy, or what looked like Jimmy at least, grinned and lightly shrugged his shoulders. “I've always been here. With you.” He said. “You...are wearing my coat.” Jimmy squinted, tilting his head to the side. “Why are you wearing my coat? I thought you hated it.”

“It's...” Castiel was confused. No, confused was an understatement, he was beyond scared and baffled right now. “I-i wanted to feel close to you.”

“But i never left.”

“You did.” Castiel blinked and new tears started forming around his already sore eyes.

Jimmy shook his head and walked to his brother, kneeling down on one knee in front of him.”I've always been right here, Cas, with you. You just had to focus.”

“I...i don't understand.” Was he hallucinating?” You died. “But he hadn't taken any drugs.” You can't be here...but you're here.” Perhaps it was a dream?” How?”

“Does it matter, little brother?” Jimmy smiled, reaching a very cold hand to stroke Castiel's cheek, using his thumb to wipe away the tears. “I'm here, aren't i?”

Castiel sobbed, bitting on his lip. Jimmy felt so cold.  
As cold as the day he had died.

“A-are you a ghost?”

But Jimmy said nothing as he pulled his hand away and stood up.

“Jimmy?”

“You and Luke were supposed to look after each other...and what did you do?”

Cas' heart nearly stopped beating after hearing what he said.  
How could Jimmy possibly know what happened between he and Lucifer?

“Y-you weren't here.”

“I was!” Jimmy shouted and the glasses on the shelf started cracking, one after the other. Cas flinched, still rooted to the floor. “And what were you planning to do with that knife, huh?”

“I just...i-”

“Tell me!”

“Wanted to be with you, wherever that is.” Cas ended up admitting, lowering his gaze, crying in earnest now. God, he was such a mess.

Jimmy snorted.  
“You stupid idiot.”

“W-what?”

“You just had to focus, that's all.”

Cas had no idea what he was talking about. He wasn't sure of anything anymore, because here he is, talking to his dead brother...or so he thinks. So his brain thinks.

“You're going to apologize to Luke. You're going to make things right.”

“Luke has moved on, Jimmy, i...i can't-”

“You're going to make things right.” Jimmy repeated, gazing down at his younger brother. “And that's final.”

“Are you listening? I can't, Jimmy, i can't-”

“You can and you _will_.” The oldest grinned, lifting his head towards the kitchen door. “Great timing. He's here.”

“...what? Who?” Castiel blinked his eyes in confusion, and when he opened them, Jimmy was gone. Jimmy was gone and he started freaking out. What had just happened? He tried squeezing his eyes shut for a few seconds and opening them again, in the hopes of finding Jimmy in the middle of the kitchen, staring right back at him, but nothing happened. He was gone...and then again, had he really been there all along? Or was he just a product of his imagination?

A quick glance at the glasses on the shelf had him panicking though.  
There were cracks on them.

“That's it...” Castiel mumbled as he got up on his feet. “I've finally lost it.”

The knock on the door startled him and he almost fell on his ass again. 

Castiel wiped the tears on his sleeve, on Jimmy's coat sleeve, and forced himself to drag his feet towards the door.

And when he opened the door...he was speechless.  
_Great timing_ , Jimmy had said, _he's here_.

“Luke...?”

Luke was here.

“Hey there, Cas.” The blond greeted, raising a hand for a stiff wave, smiling sheepishly...but when he looked into Castiel's pale face, he couldn't help getting worried. “You okay?” Not to mention he was wearing Jimmy's coat. That alone was a red flag.

“Why...why are you here?” Castiel asked, no real heat behind his words. He wasn't angry because of his presense, he was just.. trying very hard not to freak out again. 

“I know i'm the last person you want to see, but...your mother made me promise i'd check on you from time to time.” Luke answered, not being able to ignore the awful state his ex was in. He was pale and thin...and he looked so small in Jimmy's trench, Luke actually flinched, his heart sinking a little.

“Oh.” Castiel frowned. Luke came to check on him just because Ellen had asked him to. Otherwise he would have never come. Why would he, right? He was no longer Luke's concern...and he had a new boyfriend and all...

Stupid Jimmy hallucination. Ghost. Whatever. How is he supposed to make things right when jealousy nearly drove him to cut his wrist in the kitchen?

“Have you been eating properly?” The blond asked, knowing the answer already. “I...i could come inside and prepare you something. If you want.”

“I saw you last night.” Castiel blurted out before he could stop himself.

“Pardon...?”

“Saw you with Dean's brother. You two looked happy. Congratulations.”

“You were there?”

“Wasn't stalking you or anything.” Cas snorted, rolling his eyes. “So...Sam, is it? How long have you two been together? Did you meet him when we were still dating?” The venom in Cas' voice! He can't stop now, he needs to get it all out of his system.

“I...” Lucifer might be a little pissed right now. “Yes, i met him the night you fucked Dean, Cas. But unlike you, i didn't hop onto his dick like a hungry little bitch.”  
Well then. That was harsh. Luke knew it was harsh, but he couldn't take it back now. He noticed the way Castiel winced and took a step back, hiding partially behind the door, and he felt bad about having said what he just said.

“Cas...i'm sorry, i didn't mean to-”

“Of course you did.” Castiel yelled. “He was wrong, we can't make things right, we can't...just go. Don't come here again.”

“Wait, wait...who said what?”

“It doesn't matter! Go away!” The youngest Novak twin tried to close the door on Lucifer's face, but the blond was having none of it. He easily pushed the door open, unintentionally pushing the other man against the wall with more force than necessary, and stepped inside.There's no way they're going to postpone this talk, not now. Luke's gonna make sure they see this through until the end, whatever the outcome is.

“We're going to talk. Whether you like it or not, understood?” Luke grabbed Castiel by the arm and dragged him with him to the living room. Once there, he pushed the scared twin down onto the couch, and stood there, gazing at him, with arms crossed over his chest.

“First of all, you have no right of being jealous. Sam is my friend.” At least he hopes he still wants to be friends after what happened. “A good one. And yes, we...might have shared a few kisses, but that was all.”

“I don't care, i-”

“Shut the fuck up, i'm not done talking, am i?”

Castiel gulped, watching the blond with fearful eyes.

“I wanted to fuck him, i really wanted to wreck him, but i couldn't. Wanna know why?”

Castiel was silent.

“Because i love you. I love you more than anything in this goddamn world and i don't know how to stop feeling that way. Even if you're a jerk. A jerk that doesn't deserve me.”

That had Castiel sobbing silently. Seems he still has tears to shed after all. Luke's right though. He doesn't deserve him. Hell, he should have died instead of Jimmy. Jimmy was the good twin. Jimmy was loving and faithful, he was nothing like Castiel. Talk about total opposites.

“I was going to kill myself.” He ended up confessing, voice small and shaking. “B-before you showed up.” Before Jimmy showed up.

“You were what?!”

“I tried to get some drugs from Crowley, but i couldn't do it.”

“You actually met up with Crowley??”

“He...he has changed. For real. He's happy, he loves his daughter to death...and i couldn't drag him down that road again. So i ran and...and found you and Sam by the theater and...”

“It...triggered you.” Lucifer said, sitting next to the other man on the couch.

“Yes. And i miss Jimmy so much...i thought...we'd be together again if i killed myself.”

“Castiel. You should have...talked to someone. To Ellen. To...me.”

“Why? I'm nothing but a deadweight. You'd all be better off without me anyway.”

“Don't say that.”

“It's the truth.” Cas shrugged, looking down.

“You're just going through a bad phase. It's hard, but you'll get back on your feet eventually.” Luke had been there for him after Jimmy's death, he had tried so hard to help his boyfriend...until he announced his betrayal and forced him to move out, that is.

Even Luke has his limits.  
He's only human.

Though he sometimes blames himself for not being able to do more.

But now, after witnessing the state Castiel is in...

“Right.” Castiel huffed, bringing a hand up to wipe the tears away. 

“I mean it, Cassie.” And the nickname did things to Castiel, things he had stopped feeling after Jimmy's death. Why now? 

“He said we needed to make things right.” Cas whispered, though Luke heard him nonetheless. 

“Who?”

Castiel turned sad eyes on him, not sure if he should talk about the weird situation he experienced before his arrival.

“Jimmy.”

“Who??”

“Jimmy.” Castiel repeated. “I...kind of saw him.”

“Saw him? As in...a picture, an old video?” Luke's turn to be confused.

“No. I saw him the same way i'm seeing you. He...he stopped me. From cutting myself.”

“That's...that's not possible.” The blond narrowed his eyes, trying his best to remain calm. Even if what Cas was saying couldn't be possible. He had to be patient either way. “Did you take anything?”

“No!” A very exasperated Castiel groaned. “I saw him. I don't know why or how, but i did. He even...the glasses in the kitchen cracked when he yelled at me. They're evidence. He was here, Luke. He was!”

“Oookay...and he told you we needed to... _make things right_ , did he?”

Castiel nodded. “He knew you were coming. He said you were here...and right before you knocked, he disappeared.”

“Did he now...”

“You think i'm crazy, don't you?”

“Well...you've never been very sane to start with.” Lucifer teased, winking an eye at him, and Castiel frowned at the evident tease behind the blond's words, trying not to laugh. Stupid Luke. “Just to make sure though...would you be willing to go to the doctor?”

“I hate you.” Cas grabbed a couch pillow and used it to hit Lucifer in the face.

“And i love you, it's fine. My love's big enough for the two of us.” Lucifer chuckled, grabbing the pillow midair before Castiel could it him with it again. “So...let's say you saw Jimmy's ghost. How...how did he look? Was he okay?”

“Yeah, i guess. He was really pissed because we broke up.”

What an weird conversation to have.

“Huh. Wish i could see him too.”

“He said he never left, that he's with me. Told me i just gotta focus...but i have no idea what that means.”

Now that was cute, Luke mused, a little smile tugging at his lips.

“He'll never be truly gone, Cassie. He'll live forever in our hearts and memories.” Maybe that was what _ghost_ Jimmy meant in the end.

“How corny.” Castiel teased, grinning.

“Truth is corny sometimes.” The blond shrugged, teasing back.

“Does that mean you believe me? You believe i saw Jimmy?”

“I believe you believe you saw him.”

“Oh...i see.”

“Besides, i don't think you'd be crazy enough to make up such story. Not one involving your brother like that, at least.”

Cas shook his head.

“See.”

“So, uh...are we...are we good?”

“Have we made things right?” The blond smiled, tilting his head to the side, daring to reach out a hand to gently grip Cas' shoulder. “I dunno, want to let Jimmy be the judge of that?”

“I...guess.”

“I love you, Castiel. I need to know...i really need to know if the feeling is mutual.”

“It is.” He had tried to off himself out of jealousy, of course the feeling was mutual! “I'm so sorry, for everything i did to you. For...Dean, for pushing you...i-”

“I'm sorry i wasn't stronger.” Luke sighed, throwing an arm around Castiel's shoulders, lacing the fingers of his free hand with Cas'. “I'm not going anywhere this time, that i promise you.”

“Even if i'm a mess?”

“You're _my_ mess.” The blond sighed against the sensitive skin on Cas' nape, making the hair there stand on end. “I'm going to take care of you.”

“Please." The youngest nodded. "Please do.”

And just like that, Castiel and Lucifer found the way to each other's arms...one more time.

  
[ ](http://tinypic.com?ref=2q9yj2t)   


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end! There, hope you liked this story. Until the next one!


End file.
